


Deeper than Hell

by erenyaeger



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-14 23:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7196642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erenyaeger/pseuds/erenyaeger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Let's remember the story of Orpheus and Eurydice, where Orpheus tries in vain to rescue his lost lover from the dead. Remember? Okay, good. Let's say they are two boys in love, now.</p><p>And instead of being taken, let's say Eurydice walked straight into his own personal hell because he thought that he was damned to it.</p><p>And instead of having to keep his back to Eurydice and trust he would come back, let's say Orpheus dove in headfirst after him and sucessfully carried him back up so that they could be together, even though Eurydice was, truly, damned.</p><p>That is how Eren loves Armin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deeper than Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my Armin, who spent hours reading over this for me so I could fine tune it with his feedback. Thank you also to Ana, who chatted with me about this and motivated me to finish it up.
> 
> A supernatural element/ horror fic is something that had been on my wishlist for a while, and this was the product of that desire. This was something that I started two years ago, put down, picked back up again during Eremin Week, had to set down again, and then finished up and fine-tuned today.It's also the longest one-shot that I have ever written, and writing it was quite the ordeal. In light of recent events, I needed to explore a universe where Armin is very much still present and very much in love with Eren, as always.
> 
> If you enjoyed anything about this piece I would love to know what it is. Or even just that you enjoyed it. Happy reading!

He had always been a strange child, and to some degree he knew that.

 

Although strange, Armin was still very bright, and so he knew something was off when his mother stared at him in horror when gibberish (not “mama” or “papa”, it didn’t sound like that at all) would pass his lips. It didn’t seem startling to him, really- sometimes the sounds just happened, and it was just as natural as breathing. But, for some reason, the babbling horrified her. He made an effort to stop in her presence. He thought, maybe, if he just didn’t let her see it anymore she wouldn’t be so scared.

 

It wasn’t that simple.

 

Apparently talking to the strange people in his closet was just as much a sin in that house as the gibberish words were. How was the precious little child supposed to know not to- they came to him just as easily as his mother came to tuck him in, and wasn’t it impolite to ignore people?

 

Armin stopped letting his parents know about the strange people in the closet, and about when he would hear their voices only inches away from his ear when he was falling asleep. He stopped asking about the ones outside the window, too- well, only after his father told him that people couldn’t stand next to a second story window, even if he sounded completely unconvinced.

 

They got a new alarm system, and Armin got an appointment with a nice woman behind a big desk who asked a lot of questions.

 

Armin liked the nice woman- Ms. Zoe, if he remembered correctly. She was fun and smart and knew lots of things. She let him talk about the strange people that he saw and the strange things that he said sometimes, and she let him borrow her books- books that were far above his “developmental level”, she later told his mother. She told his mother lots of other things too, though. Things that made his mother make faces and then not make a sound on the drive home.

 

They drove past home. They drove and drove until Armin asked where they were going, and the first word his mother uttered to him for damn near the whole day was “church”. Armin did not know why they chose to go that day. It wasn’t even Sunday, or the day for his parents’ bible study.

 

Armin does not remember anything about the rest of that trip after his feet hit the church steps. All he remembers is that he didn’t see his mother and father again for many, many years, and he woke up in his Grandfather’s care.

 

* * *

 

As sorely as he missed his parents at first, Armin loved living with his Grandfather. His Grandfather had many, many books, a whole room full of books that Armin was welcome to whenever he wanted to read. He did not question when Armin stayed up later than most children, just reading. Sometimes he even read with him.

 

He also made his first friend once he’d settled in, finally- Eren Yaeger. The boy was his age, and he had the most amazing eyes (like the shallow green water of the ocean, he decided, like in his books). He was good to talk to, and he wasn’t afraid of Armin like the other children were. He protected him from bullies and took him on adventures and stayed up late with him in the library, and it was everything Armin wanted. Eren was the perfect friend. Not that either of them had any other friends, really, and they didn’t need any as far as they were concerned. They would just be together forever and it would be perfect.

 

At least, it would be as long as he made sure to never, _never_ say strange things around Eren. He didn’t want to lose this boy the same way he lost his Mother and Father.

 

It was hard not to say those things. The harder he tried to keep his lips closed and the harder he tried to ignore the strange people in the corners of the rooms they sometimes went in, the louder the voices in his ears got. It almost hurt sometimes, but he reminded himself that losing his Grandfather and Eren would hurt infinitely more than the one time his ear bled from the shrillness.

 

In the hospital room Eren held his hand, and his Grandfather bought a new book for them to read. It reminded him why he had to keep going.

 

He got even better at ignoring it all. He almost looked right through the strange people, and whenever he felt strangeness bubbling in his throat he’d either force himself to swallow the sounds or puke to mask them. He passed for a dazed, sickly, but fairly normal child. He was trying.

 

And so was Eren, and so was his Grandfather, and they took care of him. His Grandfather took him to the doctors the best he could (even though Armin _knew_ somehow that this wasn’t something that doctors could fix), and he kept Armin’s room full of books and pillows and blankets for when he was too “sick” to do much else than read. Eren always found his way into his room, and he would stay with him and read with him and then he would hold him and kiss his forehead to help Armin fall asleep. He cherished the moments- it almost made him completely forget about the strange people watching from the walls and the ceiling.

 

And as he forced himself through, he found some of the happiest days of his life.

 

* * *

 

 

But it all came crashing down in time.

 

He should have felt it in the air he was sure, but Armin had gotten so good at blocking things out that he almost didn’t even see the strange people at all anymore. He even got “sick” less and less. His life was good. He did very well in school, he had a beautiful best-friend turned boyfriend (Eren really was perfect), he got along with some of the kids at school, and he’d grown comfortably used to living with his Grandfather, without his parents- he was happy, finally.

 

Maybe that happiness is how he got caught so off guard.

 

The day seemed like any other normal one to him. He came home from school with Eren and Mikasa, and his Grandfather was there in his reading chair where he always was. His Grandfather joined them in the kitchen, smiling and putting a gentle hand on Armin’s shoulder as he told the blonde boy that he was proud of him. Armin found it odd that the man would say such a thing out of the clear blue sky, but he only had time to thank him one last time before suddenly the older man was on the floor.

 

As terrifying as it was to watch him convulse until he stopped breathing, Armin supposed he should at least be grateful that his Grandfather gave him more of a goodbye than his parents ever did.

 

There was one moment of complete silence (aside from Mikasa dialing 9-1-1, bless her), one moment with no more strange people that Armin liked to think meant his Grandfather passed safely, peacefully, before everything got darker, heavier, crueler. It was overwhelming and Armin sunk to his knees on the floor, unable to speak, and he just balanced on his knees and shook when suddenly, suddenly, the strange people were everywhere that they hadn’t been for years and they didn’t even look like people anymore when they started laughing, laughing, laughing and then Armin was screaming and sobbing before he could stop himself-

 

Even being cradled in Eren’s arms and against his chest didn’t help him block it out. Even gentle kissing and fingers running through his hair and the sweet nothings that his green eyed boyfriend showered him with couldn’t block out the terrible, terrible things he saw all around him.

 

It didn’t stop when his screams ran out. It didn’t stop even when Eren’s lips were on his, desperately trying to soothe him. It didn’t stop when the ambulance came from Mikasa’s earlier call. It didn’t stop when his Grandfather’s body was taken from the house. It didn’t stop when Eren had to explain to the nice policeman that Armin’s parents had been gone since he was five, and they’d have to track them down on their own if they wanted to find them.

 

It certainly didn’t stop when he got his first phone call from his parents for years, and he swore it got even worse when they told him they’d come for him. They wouldn’t understand. They wouldn’t possibly be kind when he was dazed or “sick” like he started feeling he’d feel more and more again.

 

The only comfort he had that night was hearing that at least they’d come to him so he wouldn’t have to move away and uproot his life- he could stay with Eren (it was for school, they said, but in Armin’s mind all he could hear was _Eren_ ). Thank god at least he still hadn’t lost Eren- he wouldn’t be able to _cope_ without Eren. But Eren wouldn’t make him. The brunette boy just took him home with him, kept him cradled in his arms all night and kissed his hair, his forehead, his cheeks and his nose and his lips and made him feel so loved that he somehow managed to stop trembling enough to sleep in spite of the awful laughter coming from his closet.

 

* * *

 

 

He thought he would find solace in sleep. He was wrong.

 

He had dreams. Dreadful dreams. Dreams of dead birds falling from the sky and corpses and strange people that didn’t even look like people anymore and dreams of himself screaming nonsense into the sky until his ears were stinging-

 

He woke up with blood on his pillow and in his hair, and he could feel it sticking in his ear like when he was younger. He didn’t want to go to the doctor. He didn’t want to be shoved over to his parents since they were the only “family” he could have in the emergency room now and they didn’t know how much he needed Eren to be there. He didn’t want to leave Eren’s warm embrace- it was the only place that was safe anymore.

 

The strange people were back, again- though this time they hardly seemed like people at all, as they had when he’d first seen them after his grandfather’s passing and in his dreams. They taunted him with smiles and snickers as he flipped his pillow over fiercely and clung tighter to Eren, burying his face against his chest and forcing himself back to sleep and trying not to dream of anything that wasn’t him this time.

 

It was a failed attempt with every repeat or continuation of his earlier nightmare that he woke from, but at least every time he woke he woke in Eren’s arms again.

 

* * *

 

 

As much a struggle as sleeping had been, it wasn’t anywhere near as uncomfortable as waiting on the porch steps for his parents to come back again.

 

Somehow it felt wrong. For years he’d wanted his parents to come home, come back to him, but now… now they may as well be perfect strangers. The more he thought the more he realized he really didn’t know anything about them- and how where they supposed to know about him?

 

Eren squeezed his hand a little as he sat beside him, having promised to wait with him, and Armin found himself murmuring a small plea of “kiss me” as though it would ease the pain and drown out the sound of strange chattering that was coming from the trees now. The brunette complied, pressing their lips together and cupping Armin’s face in his hand. He kissed him again, and again, and he kept telling him he _loved_ him, would _never_ leave him and he would take good care of him, because Armin needed one stable person in his life right now and god dammit it was going to be Eren.

 

The kisses got deeper, more possessive and more demanding, and as Armin relaxed into them he wondered if Eren was even angrier at his parents for leaving than he was. It didn’t matter in the end though, he decided as he wrapped his arms around Eren’s shoulders and scooted into his lap. They were both upset at everything that had happened, but at least they could comfort each other like this. And Eren promised, _promised_ that he would never go anywhere, and if there was one thing Eren proved it was that his determination let him keep every promise he’d ever made to him. That was how Armin knew no matter what got thrown at him he’d at least be a little bit okay, because _Eren would be there_.

 

Even when an unfamiliar car pulled into the driveway and he was still straddling Eren’s lap, he knew he would be okay.

 

It took all of Eren’s will power to pry his lips from Armin’s and only press one kiss against his jaw as two near-perfect strangers got out of the car. Armin supposed he should be nervous- his parents essentially just walked in on him making out with his boyfriend, which he supposed was something out of most teenagers’ worst nightmares. But these people, these distant, near-stranger type people, just didn’t seem like his parents anymore. Not even the guilt in their faces or their sheepish, bittersweet smiles made him feel much of anything at all.

 

At least maybe their guilt, if they really had any, would make this easier for Armin to get away with.

 

“…Armin, sweetie.” His mom finally started, smiling gently and coming a little closer. Armin stayed seated in Eren’s lap, unsure of what to say and not intending to say much of anything until he realized his parents really, really had no idea where to go from here.

 

“Hi.” He said, maybe a little dumbly, and Eren kept his arms locked around Armin’s waist as he watched the exchange.

 

“Hello, Armin.” His father tried, still seeming just as lost as his mother. He eventually couldn’t bear to look at the son he’d abandoned in the face anymore and shifted his gaze to Eren, who stared judgmentally back at him.

 

“… I see you’ve found a nice young man, there.” His mother tried again, trying to connect with him in the only way she could think of, and somehow Armin was suddenly grateful for them leaving him behind all of those years. With his parents having fucked up _that_ badly the least they could do was let him have this, and they were doing just that. He would definitely take advantage of this.  


“Mmhm.” Armin finally softened a little, accepting the unspoken peace offering and cuddling Eren closer. “His name is Eren.”

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Eren.” His father finally offered, extending a hand, and Eren looked to Armin for permission before he took the man’s hand and shook it firmly.

 

“Mr. Arlert.” Eren hummed, and it almost seemed comical to Armin that his father was the one who needed to earn approval from his boyfriend to get near him. This was certainly an inverse to the status quo- not that he minded.

 

“... So, ah, Eren.” His mother tried again, and Eren glanced up at her. “Would you like to… to stay for dinner?”

 

It was a relief she’d asked. Armin wasn’t sure he could deal with sitting at his late Grandfather’s table with two near perfect strangers (and the strange things that were clinging to the walls, and out the windows), and he knew he couldn’t cope being away from Eren in all of this.

 

“Glad to.” Eren replied, shortly but politely as he could muster, and then she nodded and he nodded and none of them had anything to say all over again.

 

“…The moving van won’t be here until tomorrow. We came as soon as we could, with everything...” Armin’s father told him, trailing off when he realized maybe Armin wouldn’t be ready to talk yet.

 

“Thank you.” Armin said, hollowly, because it almost seemed like he was supposed to say thank you even though this was probably the most insincere thanks that he had ever given.

 

Eren saved him before he had to try and carry the conversation on his own.

 

“I’ll help with the boxes.” The brunette offered, and it earned a small smile from his mother.

 

“That’s very sweet Eren, but you don’t have to-“

 

“I will. Armin is sick right now; you _can’t_ ask _him_ to do that.” Eren said, protectively tightening his hold around Armin and staring accusingly at the others for not realizing their own son’s state.

 

And so the father nodded, and the mother smiled and tried again.

 

“Thank you, Eren.”

 

“Not a problem.”

 

More silence. Eren would save him from it soon if he waited, Armin was sure, but he decided he really should at least try to speak to the people that were going to be living in his house from them on.

 

“… I can show you around.” Armin finally started. “Grandpa moved some things around, since you were last here.”

 

And even though this was the house his father grew up in, snuck out of to see his mother when they were young, both of them agreed to try and keep some sort of interaction going between them all.

 

* * *

 

 

“… And we moved the silverware over here and the plastic plates down here.” Armin explained, now partway through the tour of the house. “I was too short to reach the other cupboard when I first got here, and then we just never moved it back.”

 

He probably shouldn’t have said that, he realized when he saw his mother’s face fall a little, but before she could get out a meaningless _I’m sorry_ he started speaking again.

 

“And uh… Eren, is there anything else?” He asked, looking over to his boyfriend.

 

“Pots and pans are in the cupboard next to the oven. Got rid of the rack when they wouldn’t stop clanging together all night, right?” Eren asked. It made Armin remember the initial unrest in the house the more he tried to ignore the things he saw, and the look of horror on his parent’s faces made him wonder if they had memories of something similar.

 

“Yeah. The house’s getting old, just a little too drafty to have things hanging around.” Armin added on, and he didn’t believe his words and they didn’t believe his words but they at least pretended to with some courteous nods. They even pretended to not hear the clanging in the cupboard while Armin pretended not to see the strange people doing it.

 

“Drafts.” Armin repeated, and they all pretended that what he said made sense.

 

“Upstairs?” Eren murmured under the noise, wrapping an arm around his side, and Armin nodded.

 

They left the room and started up the ancient staircase that creaked under their feet. Once they’d gotten to the landing, the turned onto the hallway and started down it, Armin pointing things out.

 

“That’s still the bathroom.” Armin started. “That’s still Grandpa’s room. That’s still the study…”

 

He trailed a little as they walked, and then finally stopped and touched his hand to his doorframe of his half-opened room.

 

“This is my room.” He said, maybe a little possessively, because this was the space where he felt safe when they first left him abandoned and he had to stop himself from thinking to hard about it before he got bitter. Eren just tightened his arm around him more for support.

 

“It’s lovely.” His mother praised, and suddenly Armin felt himself feeling nauseous from this all and wanted it to be over already.

 

“Thanks.” He finally forced the sound, and then he rushed the rest of the hallway before he got to the end.

 

“… We don’t use these rooms much. I guess uh…” He started, feeling strange about giving one up, and luckily he didn’t have to be the one to say it.

 

“We’ll take this one, okay?” His mother tried, and Armin nodded.

 

“S’good one.” He offered, ignoring the strange people-not-people peeking out the door at them as the woman he was supposed to call his mother smiled again.

 

“… I feel a little dizzy.” Armin started, and Eren firmed up his grip on the blonde while his mother finally laid a gentle hand on his shoulder for the first time in years.

 

“You’ve had a long two days.” She offered, gently. “Maybe you should get some rest. We can have dinner when you feel a little better, I’ll make your favourite.”

 

And Armin didn’t even remember what she thought his favourite was, but he was too tired to care. He simply nodded, almost moving to turn away until his mother finally hugged him for the first time since that day with the Church. He had to close his eyes to keep the tears from falling, and he had to really squeeze them shut when his father joined the embrace. There was demented laughter ringing in his ears and he swallowed thickly when he felt things in his throat, and after a moment more he couldn’t take the closeness anymore.

 

He managed to feign a dizzy spell long enough to pull away and fall into Eren’s arms where things were safe and not fucked up and confusing, and Eren managed to explain to his parents that Armin just got a little sick sometimes and don’t worry, _he_ knew how to take care of him. It was cold, possessive, and Armin found himself glad Eren didn’t tell them anything else as he carried Armin back to the safety of his room after he agreed to help Armin down the stairs later for dinner after some rest.

 

When they were finally back in his room, behind the closed (and locked) door, curled together in his sheets was when Armin finally let himself cry again. Eren kissed the tears from his face, nuzzling against him and stroking his hair as he shushed his sobs until Armin could speak through it.

 

“Stay. Just stay with me.” Armin pleaded between sobs and sniffles, and Eren leaned up and took his lips with his own.

 

“Always.” Eren promised, and Armin clung and pulled him in for another needy kiss. Eren moaned into it as Armin tongued at his lips, and he rubbed Armin’s waist before he let his hands brush over his thighs. Armin moaned a little, and Eren set to kissing at Armin’s neck while he started to rub at his inner thighs.

 

“I will always stay with you.” Eren whispered against his skin. “I love you. You’re mine, not theirs. They have some fucking nerve, thinking they can come in here and expect to control when I see you, if I’m ‘welcome’ to stay over.”

 

His hand moved to rub between Armin’s legs and Armin forced himself to stifle a needy moan, pressing his hips up against him.

 

“Hhn- they can’t.” Armin breathed, gasping a little while Eren continued to press at him. “They won’t. They- _oh_ , they won’t even try, if they want a decent relationship with me. I need you and they’re going to know that.”

 

Eren seemed satisfied with that, crushing his lips against Armin’s in a sloppy, openmouthed kiss as he settled himself between Armin’s legs and started undoing both their pants.

 

“Good. We need to be together.” Eren insisted, sliding Armin’s pants down his thighs and slipping his cock out from his boxers.

 

“We do. We will be.” He assured, and the strange people on the ceiling grinned at him from behind Eren’s head. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He couldn’t deal with his life falling apart and resetting around him, and he couldn’t deal with this starting up again. He decided on letting Eren take him from behind so he could at least _pretend_ nothing was out of place, starting to roll over onto his stomach. Eren caught him, giving him a questioning glance, and Armin leaned up to press a tender kiss to his lips before speaking.

 

“We can’t be too loud- I need the pillow.” He explained.

 

Eren nodded, letting Armin reposition himself on a few pillows while he leaned over to the dresser drawer and found the lube. He squirted a generous amount on his fingers, getting harder when he looked back down at Armin bent over in front of him, offering himself up, all for him. He breathed shakily, spreading a little lube on Armin’s hole before he impatiently pushed a finger in. Armin whimpered, muffling the sound into a pillow and moaning as Eren started to thrust the digit eagerly.

 

He pressed back against Eren’s hand, moaning when Eren pressed a kiss against the back of his neck and slid a second finger inside of his hot, tight hole. He scissored his fingers, readying him for his cock the best he could, and Armin sighed and moaned softly into the pillow again.

 

“Eren…” He whispered, and Eren kissed at the side of his neck and thrust his hand desperately.

 

“Armin I _need_ you.” He murmured, still pushing his fingers inside deep as he could as he spread him. “Please, can I…?”

 

“Yes.” Armin whispered, stifling moans as he hardened. “Eren, yes. Please.”

 

He needed this too, he needed this like he needed to not think about the strangers calling themselves his parents downstairs and he needed this like he needed to forget about the strange people in this house and the sounds he fought to choke back in his throat.

 

Eren’s lips found the crook of his neck again as he pulled his fingers out, and Armin sighed when Eren pressed the head of his cock against his entrance. He moaned needily into the pillow when the tip pressed past the ring of muscle, his cock leaking against the sheets as he took Eren’s cock deeper and felt his hole opening wider, wider-

 

“Oh- _oh…_ ” Armin moaned into the pillow, and Eren groaned while he sheathed himself fully inside of the blonde. Armin wrapped his arms around the pillow, even though he wished that he could wrap his arms around Eren instead, but luckily once Eren had pressed inside him all the way to the base of his cock he pressed his chest to Armin’s back and hugged him tightly to him to bring them closer like Armin wanted.

 

“You feel so good.” He murmured against Armin’s neck, starting to nip at his neck a little as he thrust his hips, and Armin whined into the pillow and felt himself stretched open.

 

“I- _oh, I love you._ ” Armin whimpered out shakily as he felt the friction between Eren’s cock and his insides as he moved. Eren kissed the back of his neck in response and murmured an ‘I-love-you-too’ as he started stroking his cock to get Armin off more while he fucked him. Armin had to bury his face in the pillow to keep his shrill, shrill moans from hitting the air, and Eren busied his mouth on the crook of Armin’s neck again to muffle his own noises.

 

And for a while, Eren’s lips on his neck and Eren’s cock filling him up were enough for Armin to be happy. It was enough that he could let go and moan, even while muffling himself against a pillow, and everything almost seemed like it was good and normal again as he got closer, closer, closer and tightened around Eren’s throbbing cock as he got ready to cum-

 

At least until he finally came and the noise came pouring out of him, into the pillow but still clearly in his ears. He knew that noise. It had haunted his childhood memories, and he found himself biting down on the pillow and swallowing hard, catching his breath through the orgasm to try and stop, pass it off for something, anything but that.

 

He was lucky that Eren seemed lost in his own pleasure, still thrusting desperately into him, and that bought Armin enough time to choke back the sounds he was making and try to compose himself both from having came and from having done… whatever that was. He could feel his cum on Eren’s hand and he could feel his saliva against the pillow, and it almost felt as though something else dreadful had came from him in that moment. To distract himself he closed his eyes and pressed his hips towards Eren, trying to focus on the way he felt inside of his spent body.

 

Eventually he felt Eren whimper against the side of his neck as he came hard inside of him, filling him up thickly as he did, and he moaned a small moan at the familiar feeling. When Eren caught his breath against him, still clinging and holding him close, Armin almost thought maybe, just maybe, Eren hadn’t heard anything.

 

Yeah. Right.

 

“Armin?” Eren finally murmured between gasps, and Armin hummed quietly hoping he wasn’t going to ask.

 

“…Yes?”

 

“…What were you… were you… crying, earlier?” He tried, nuzzling against Armin’s neck. “Are you okay?”

 

“…Yes.” Armin started slowly, trying to cover the best he could. “Yes, I was just… relieved. That you’re still here, with me. I just realized again how important that is.”

 

He stumbled through the explanation- which wasn’t a lie really, it just wasn’t all of the truth- and Eren seemed satisfied. He pulled out of Armin, earning a small whimper before he pulled the blonde into his arms and cradled him against his chest while he kissed his forehead. He ran a hand through his hair, nuzzling a little while he did.

 

“I will always be here.” Eren assured, and Armin wished he could believe that as easily as he had believed it earlier on the porch steps. Being reminded again that he was a little more than just a little fucked up made him worry that if he didn’t get control back again he’d scare Eren away the same way he’d scared his parents, and he couldn’t cope with the thought.

 

He buried his face in Eren’s chest to ignore the strange figures in the room and forget about the noises and his mess on the pillow, trying to force himself back to some sense of normalcy.

 

“…Promise?” He asked quietly. It was a hollow question, but somehow he hoped maybe if Eren did this, somehow, somehow he’d stay.

 

“I promise.” Eren soothed, and Armin just clung tighter as Eren continued to stroke his hair.

 

“…Should we go down for dinner, soon?” Armin asked, and Eren kissed his temple before responding.

 

“Dunno. Do you really want to?”

 

“No. I’m tired… I want to sleep. With you.” Armin murmured. “It’s just that it’s going to get late soon and I don’t want to keep them waiting-”

 

“They kept you waiting for twelve fucking years.” Eren spat, bitterly, pulling Armin tighter to him. “Stay with me. Sleep. They think you’re resting anyway, and they won’t starve for a few fucking hours. Just… sleep with me, okay?”

 

Eren’s voice softened at the end as he kissed Armin’s forehead again and held him tighter, and somehow that made Armin feel safe again. He nuzzled against the crook of Eren’s neck as he fell asleep on his chest, and it was almost enough to drown out the strange whispering he could hear as he drifted off into sleep.

 

But only almost.

 

* * *

 

 

He had more dreams. Dreams of stairwells and of people falling down them, and dreams of himself laughing, laughing, even though he did not understand why he would be laughing at something as terrible as watching someone’s spine snap-

 

He woke up in a cold sweat in Eren’s arms to find he’d done it again- there was a small trickle of blood on the pillowcase, but this time he could taste it on his lips.

 

Was he dying?

 

He checked his pulse and then his heartbeat the best he could, and found he still seemed very alive. Average rates really, if his sixth period health class was to be trusted.

 

How long had he slept anyway? He glanced over to the clock on his bedside and found that it had probably been about an hour and a half- added to the time he and Eren had spent touching, he supposed that seemed like a convincing nap for someone who was ill. It wasn’t even past what was considered an acceptable dinner time yet- what luck.

 

Still though- it had felt so much longer. It felt like he’d slept for days, days worth of watching people fall down stairs and die and days worth of things that weren’t supposed to come from his lips.

 

He clung tighter to Eren, as though clinging would somehow protect him from whatever this was. He was only a little surprised when Eren wrapped his arms around him in return and kissed the top of his head, and he relaxed into the gesture.

 

“Did I wake you?” He murmured quietly, kissing Eren’s chest, and Eren hummed and shook his head.

 

“No… but I’m glad I woke up to you. Sleep well?” Eren drawled through a sleepy voice, and Armin leaned up and kissed his lips.

 

“Yes.” He lied, and it earned him another kiss from Eren.

 

“Hm… good.” The brunette hummed, snuggling the blonde close. “…Do we _have_ to go down?”

 

“Eventually we will.” Armin replied, kissing his jaw almost apologetically. “We don’t have to right now, though.”

 

Eren nodded, clinging tighter, and Armin couldn’t help a small giggle.

 

“You just don’t want to share me, do you?” He half-teased, but Eren tightened his grip on him very, very firmly when he did.

 

“I don’t.” He mumbled into Armin’s hair. “You’re mine. I was there, I was with you, and they weren’t and they have no right to come here and act like they can call you theirs-”

 

“Shh. I know.” Armin soothed, moving a hand to stroke Eren’s hair. “It’s okay; I know. You’re right. We both know I’m yours and you’re the one who takes care of me.”

 

“Because I love you. So much. And _I_ would never let you get hurt.” Eren mumbled, shifting to press kisses down the side of Armin’s face and trail to his neck. “ _They’ve_ already fucking hurt you enough and I won’t let that happen ever again, no matter what they have in their fucking heads.”

 

Armin moaned softly at the kisses, cautiously after the earlier incident, and he took in the feeling of Eren’s mouth on his neck starting to leave marks on him. He’d meant his family, he was sure, but when he opened his eyes and saw the things on the ceiling grinning down at him almost mockingly he almost wished it was about _them_ instead.

 

He screwed his eyes shut again and tried to focus on Eren’s mouth against him to calm down, eventually relaxing enough to exhale deeply and wrap his arms around Eren’s shoulders.

 

“I love you.” He murmured into the air, and Eren hummed against him and nipped at his neck one more time before kissing the fresh bruise.

 

“I love you, too.” He mumbled against his skin, starting to kiss down to his collarbones and rub at his waist, and Armin’s breath shook.

 

“O-oh… Eren, we need to go down soon-”

 

“Do we?” Eren mumbled idly, honestly hoping Armin would say that they didn’t as he licked back up to the crook of his neck.

 

“Yeah… we do.” Armin replied, although without conviction in his voice, and Eren started to nip and suck at his neck again as though he could convince him otherwise.

 

“We _could_ just stay up here all night. Can’t we just stay up here? What if they make me leave after dinner?” Eren mumbled onto his skin, and Armin stroked his hair and pressed a kiss against the crown.

 

“They shouldn’t- but if they do, you know how to get to the window. I’d text you when they think I’m asleep and let you in.”

 

“I hate sleeping away from you.” The brunette whined a little, and Armin continued to stroke his hair.

 

“I know- I do too. We don’t have to; we won’t. If it comes down to that it’ll be just like how we did it way before when we weren’t supposed to stay over on school nights and we did it anyway, I promise.”

 

“…I don’t want to leave you alone with them for a second. I don’t want them here.” Eren continued lowly, possessively tightening his hold on Armin, and Armin pressed another kiss to the top of his head.

 

“I know.” He soothed. “I know. But you’re doing really well; you’re being so good to me through all of this. I promise when everyone’s in for the night you can do anything you want to me again.”

 

His hands played with Eren’s hair more, and Eren kissed gently against his neck again.

 

“Promise?” Eren finally acquiesced, and Armin nodded and kissed his forehead.

 

“Yes.” He assured, and Eren seemed content with the words. He rested against Armin, lying still as the blonde gathered his nerves enough to open eyes and face the room in front of him again. It was only a mildly disturbing sight now, compared to earlier, and he sighed and tried to remember how to block it all out as he sat up.

 

“We have to get up now.” Armin started gingerly, and Eren groaned and sat up with him.

 

“Are you _sure_ we can’t just stay?” Eren tried, one more time, and Armin smiled and kissed his nose.

 

“I wish.” He murmured, lightly, and Eren sighed dejectedly and kissed him softly and slowly before finally re-zipping and re-buttoning his pants as Armin pulled his back up onto his hips again.

 

“… We could stay up here a _little_ longer to fix my sex hair.” Armin smiled, trying to compromise after catching a glimpse of himself amongst the strange people standing behind them in the dresser mirror.

 

Eren smiled back, kissing his cheek and reaching for the hairbrush to take the chance. He seemed almost peaceful again as he brushed the pretty blonde strands of hair, and Armin sighed contentedly and leaned into the feeling.

 

“… I’ll always take care of you.” Eren hummed after a while of brushing, running a hand over Armin’s freshly brushed hair and kissing his cheek again when he was done. He picked up his letterman jacket from the floor, draping it over Armin’s shoulders, and Armin turned to peck him on the lips while he caught Eren’s hands with his own.

 

“Will you?” Armin whispered when their lips parted. Eren reached up to cup his cheek, running his hand over it and staring into Armin’s eyes with so much fucking love and devotion that it made Armin almost want to tell him, to come clean and really, really know how much Eren meant his words.

 

But only almost- he was too scared to lose him, or speed up losing him if it was indeed inevitable. He hoped it wasn’t.

 

“I will. I will always take care of you, Armin.” He said again slowly, firmly, determined, moving to kiss him once more. Armin kissed back desperately, clinging to him as though it would somehow ease the pain and make Eren more likely to stay with him even though he was undeniably, irreversibly fucked up inside. When they parted it took all of his will power to stop himself from indulging Eren in another make out session as he took his hand and pulled him towards the door.

 

* * *

 

 

“… I see you play a sport, Eren?” Armin’s dad asked when he looked at Eren’s name on the back of the jacket Armin wore, trying to break the awkward silence that hung in the air as they settled in their respective chairs.

 

“Yeah.” Eren hummed, tempted to stop the conversation short right there but realizing quickly that if he talked it might spare Armin the trouble. “I’m the quarterback for the school’s football team.”

 

“Sounds like quite the accomplishment- how have you guys been doing this season?” His father continued, somehow finding it easier to carry a conversation with his son’s boyfriend than his son.

 

“Undefeated.” Eren replied, trying to hide his pride and _not_ let this strange man think that he’d gotten through to him. Armin picked up quickly, knowing Eren wanted to say more.

 

“It’s the first year the team has made a come back against the Titans. There’s a lot of good players, but… I think it’s really due to Eren.” Armin smiled softly up at his boyfriend, and Eren grabbed his hand under the table and squeezed.

 

“I think it’s because you were there for me every practice and every game I played.” Eren mumbled more to him than to the others at the table, and Armin smiled so bright it was almost enough for him to forget about his parents and the strange people lurking in the corners of the room.

 

They sat in silence again for a while, only the sound of silverware and plates to be heard, and eventually Armin’s mother tried again.

 

“So Eren… what do your parents do?”

 

“My mom’s dead.” Eren deadpanned, causing Mrs. Arlert to drop her fork and the figures that Armin saw in the doorway to burst out in raucous laughter. “And my father’s a doctor.”

 

“Eren, I’m so sor-“

 

“It’s fine.” Eren cut her off, squeezing Armin’s hand tight enough that his knuckles turned white, and Armin rubbed his hand with his thumb to try and soothe him. He glanced at his parents from across the table, his expression vacant and unimpressed. It was the best he could do to not get angry with them, because he did know they didn’t know any better yet.

 

The silence stretched on again, both parents at loss, and as stressed as Armin was he figured that he should at least show a little mercy. He squeezed Eren’s hand, glancing up at him as if to say _I’m sorry_ for what he was about to do.

 

“Eren,” Armin started gently. “what did you say your dad was working on now, again?”

 

He knew Eren didn’t particularly want to talk, but he also knew Eren did want to help him, and he… he just wanted this to be a little less contrived.

 

Especially if it was going to happen again tomorrow.

 

“…Some new experimental drug.” Eren gave in, his fingers playing with Armin’s hand under the table. “You know how he is. He gets these ideas or propositions from other people and then he just disappears to the lab until the trials start.”

 

“So your father’s a pharmacologist?” Mrs. Arlert asked, timidly, and as Armin looked up at Eren he almost pleaded for him to continue. Eren gave in again after some thought with a small nod and another squeeze to his hand.

 

“Well, he wasn’t always. He’d always wanted to be, but it took him a really long time to get the training and the clearances and the funding. You see he started out as a house doctor…”

 

And Eren talked, telling a story that Armin new by heart by now, but he pretended to listen just as avidly as his parents and it was almost like they were a family for a minute.

 

But only almost.

 

* * *

 

 

By the end, dinner wasn’t terrible.

 

Clean up went easily. Armin had to show his parents how to use the new dishwasher his Grandfather had installed when he was twelve, but that was about all he had to do for that bit. The guilt meant they probably wouldn’t ask much of him, which was fine by him. Maybe it would have even been pleasing if the reasons why weren’t so painful to think about.

 

They sat around the table a while longer, making awkward and forced conversation amongst themselves about the school and which teachers will still there from when Mr. and Mrs. Arlert were young, and it grew later.

 

“Well, I suppose it’s getting late.” Mr. Arlert commented after a brief glance at the clock. “Eren, do you have a way to get home?”

 

“I walked here.” Eren clipped, turning to glance at Armin. The coldness in his stare wasn’t directed at him, Armin knew, but it _hurt_ to see Eren like that. It hurt more to realize that that meant he wasn’t going to have Eren, at least not for another few hours and how was he supposed to spend time alone in the house with those _things_ that were taunting him from the doorway although admittedly at least they would probably be better company than his parents who discarded him for twelve years like he was an unwanted _animal_ and not even a human and he didn’t feel human when Eren found him, but just when he was finally starting to feel okay again thanks to Eren his parents had the nerve to come back now that he was a little more presentable and try to pry him from Eren’s arms—

 

The only thing that shook Armin from his painful spiral of thoughts was the light hanging above the kitchen table blowing out in a majestic display of light and sparks- well, it would have been more majestic if it didn’t almost hit everyone sitting at the table.

 

The things in the doorway laughed with glee. Armin wondered how it blew out, though, if they hadn’t been touching it this time around.

 

“Goodness!” Mrs. Arlert exclaimed, being the first to gather herself after the explosion. “That was… quite something”.

 

“Did your Grandfather have the wiring in this place checked at all?” Mr. Arlert added, and Armin nodded.

 

“Two years ago. Things were blowing out left and right so we had some updates done.”

 

“Must have been something else,” Mrs. Arlert continued, “maybe like lightning. Can lightning do that, sweetheart?”

 

“I suppose.” Armin’s long-absent father commented. “I didn’t hear any thunder though.”

 

“Well no matter. We can’t ask Eren to walk home in that.” The woman continued, and Mr. Arlert went for his keys.

 

“I can drive—”

 

“No, dear. Driving won’t be any better in a impending storm.” Mrs. Arlert argued, and Armin took his chance.

 

“Eren can just stay here, he has his backpack and everything. We’ll leave in the morning.”

 

“That sounds like a good idea honey.” Armin’s only recently re-surfaced mother agreed, and Armin’s father raised a brow at the two of them. Armin knew his face showed a sort of defiance, like when he liked his mother’s decision on dessert or time outside better than his father’s and it was two against one, but what he couldn’t see was the tentativeness and fear in his mother’s eyes that ultimately made his father put the key down.

 

“Well, you two remember to do your homework now.” The man commented. “I know I was awful about that when I was on the team.”

 

“Eren has athletic scholarships that he needs his grades to keep.” Armin explained, taking Eren’s hand and slowly inching towards the doorway and trying to scoot between the strange, twisted beings as inconspicuously as possible. “Come on, Eren. Let’s go study for that English test.”

 

“Sounds good.” Eren agreed, now pleased he would get to stay right where he wanted.

 

Armin about ran Eren up to his room once they were out of his parents’ lines of sight, and Mr. Arlert raised his brow at his wife again.

 

“There’s no signs of a storm.” He commented quietly.

 

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.” Mrs. Arlert retorted, and her husband’s expression changed from one of skepticism to one of fear.

 

“That- but that was something so small. And we didn’t even see them—”

 

“Honey, remember they can make us not see them if they don’t want to be seen.”

 

“Right… like before we took Armin to the psychologist.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you think they’ve gotten that much more… aggressive? Impulsive? I mean they were unsettling but they… didn’t used to do things like this when he was young. Or do you think he’s starting to… develop…?” The man barely breathed, and his companion shrugged.

 

“I don’t know. We left before it escalated anymore that time, so I don’t know. Do you really want to find out this way, though?” She asked. “It’s just to the end of this year. We can pay for his college with the inheritance and he’ll leave so we can… well, I don’t know. We’ll figure things out more when we get closer.”

 

Mr. Arlert nodded slowly. Mrs. Arlert nodded back, and then they both set into the living room to watch TV and try to pretend that things were as normal as possible.

 

* * *

 

 

“Lightbulb came in clutch.” Eren grinned, and Armin nodded.

 

“Yeah.” He agreed, although it did seem like the timing was almost too good. The incident made him think of when he was younger, when he used to try and reach the cookie jar off the top of the fridge and the tall lady- _although, in retrospect she was hardly a person at all-_ used to take it down for him. His father would ask questions, his mother would try to laugh it off, and Armin had stopped telling the truth after the first time once he realized his parents could not see the tall lady.

 

This time, though, even Armin didn’t know the truth.

 

“What’s wrong?” Eren asked, kissing Armin’s temple. “I thought you wanted me here.”

 

“I do, Eren I need you here, that’s not it at all. I’m just… realizing how things are now.” Armin started, trying to put his questions to rest until later. “Mom and Dad are here again, but only because Grandpa’s not. And when I was young I used to want them to come back, but I hit a point where I was finally happy with the way things were. I had a guardian that cared about me and didn’t think I was defective for being a bit… well, weird, and sick, and I found you. And then I didn’t want anything else. But now half of that is gone, and it’s not that you’re not enough I just—”

 

“Shh.” Eren soothed, kissing the crown of Armin’s hair and pulling him close. “Hey, it’s okay. I know the feeling, remember?”

 

“Right. Fuck I’m sorry, I didn’t forget, I just… fuck.” The blonde whined, burying his face in Eren’s chest to hide his embarrassment and hide from the thing skittering around on his ceiling.

 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Eren soothed. “I know. Sometimes it’s hard to think about other things when it’s so fresh. Sometimes it’s hard to think about other things even when it’s not fresh. I know it’s hard. But I’m here for you just like you’re here for me when I miss mom. It’ll be okay.”

 

Eren rubbed Armin’s back gently, and Armin listened to his heart beating in his chest as he did.

 

“…Do you think that they’re safe? Wherever they are?” Armin asked, thinking back to how quiet things were when his Grandfather passed on, and Eren nodded against him.

 

“Well, if you believe in Heaven or any of that stuff, then I’m sure they’re there and happy. If not, then I’m sure that they’re the best possible place that they could be. They were wonderful people, and they did nothing but kind things for us. What do you believe?”

 

“Well, Mom and Dad were pretty religious I guess… but Grandpa says -said- that organized religion is just mass mania… but he also said to not believe in anything more than we can see is just as absurd.” _And maybe the fact that he couldn’t see what Mom and Dad saw is why he liked me enough to not dump me on someone else’s doorstep—_

 

“But what do you believe?” Eren asked, and Armin wanted to say _I believe in all of the awful things that I have seen and the only way I don’t go crazy is by hoping there’s something better_ —

 

“Same as you.” He replied instead, “I bet they’re in the best place that they can be. Let’s call it Heaven; it’s probably like that somehow. Peaceful.” _More peaceful than this_.

 

“Yeah.” Eren smiled, pressing a kiss onto Armin’s temple. “That sounds right.”

 

They laid together, listening to the sound of one another’s breathing until Eren’s voice cut the air again.

 

“You know you can talk to me about anything. Especially this. I’m here because I’m selfish and I need you, but I’m also here because I need to take care of you just as much. And knowing what’s in your head helps me do that.”

 

Armin smiled and leaned up to press his lips against Eren’s.

 

“You do such a good job and I don’t deserve you.” The blonde mumbled against him, all of the reasons his parents left him weighing heavy on his heart, and Eren kissed him again.

 

“Well you can’t shake me. Please don’t tell me you want to.” The brunette pleaded, and Armin kissed him yet again.

 

“I don’t want to. I don’t have it in me, I’m selfish too.” The blonde offered with a soft smile before deciding that maybe he’d done as much picking into his brain as he could stand right now and should just focus on more kisses instead.

 

He did his best to forget what an atrocity he must have been for his parents to leave him while they kissed, even though it just caught up to him in his dreams later and again when he woke up with a start around two in the morning to cruel laughter.

 

It probably took him longer to fall back asleep than he actually slept- at least, though, it meant less of those awful dreams.

 

But not none.

 

* * *

 

Something seemed off.

 

Eren knew that things weren’t exactly easy for Armin right now, and he knew from the experience of losing a parental figure that there was only so much that he could do to ease that (as much as he wanted to give the world), but this almost seemed… heavier. Like there was more going on in Armin’s head that he wasn’t telling him as he stared vacantly off into space, and Eren had to squeeze his hand under the desk to make sure he hadn’t drifted off from him. Armin squeezed back, giving Eren only the slightest sense of normalcy as the blonde continued to stare ahead and completely miss the lecture.

 

Eren decided to risk a detour from note taking to scratch out a quick note, and then slide the notebook towards the blonde. That seemed to finally get his attention.

 

_You ok?_

‘No’ was what Armin wanted to say. No, he wasn’t okay, he was a fucking freak who spent the morning washing blood out of his pillow case so that he didn’t alarm Eren and he was a fucking freak who was having a stare down with the tall man that wasn’t a man in the front of the room, and he was a freak who saw, heard, and dreamed things that he wasn’t supposed to and his parents _threw him away_ and probably didn’t even want to be here to deal with right now and how could Eren possibly care about him-

 

 _I just had some trouble sleeping. Weird dreams and stuff._ He finally wrote back.

 

Eren read, frowning slightly before he responded.

 

_Those are hard. You know you can wake me up when that happens, right?_

Armin smiled a guilty smile, wondering how Eren could care so goddamn much still.

 

_It’s okay. You need your sleep._

_But I need you more._ Eren scribbled back, a gentle smile on his lips, and Armin wished they weren’t in class so that he could lean in and kiss him right then and there for making him feel the most okay he’d felt all day.

 

_I need you, too._

_Then wake me up next time, okay? I’ll be there._

Armin wanted to argue that Eren was technically there even when he was sleeping, but all the same he was really too tired to refuse the gentle comfort Eren was offering.

 

 _If you really want me to._ He finally wrote back, and Eren nodded a little while he replied.

 

_I do. You know I love you?_

Armin stared at the question for a moment and wondered if anyone really could love him if they knew how many things were wrong with him.

_Do you?_ He asked, and Eren rubbed his thigh almost comfortingly while he wrote.

_I do. So fucking much. I always will._

Armin paused in his writing and wondered if willing himself to believe those words would make them come true. He supposed he could at least try.

_Promise?_ He finally tried, as he had in vain to comfort himself since his Grandfather’s passing, and Eren nodded again.

_Promise._

He was trying.

_I love you too._ He finally wrote back, and when the teacher’s back was turned again Eren pressed a soft kiss to his jaw in response before moving back and squeezing his hand under the table again.

 

And as Eren’s hand held his so securely Armin really wished he was something that was deserving of Eren’s love.

 

* * *

 

 

Although still grieving, Armin found that the next few months went by peacefully as they could for a while after that first night.

 

The dreams continued, but with Eren’s arms wrapped around him when he woke it became like static on a TV the more often that it happened and he successfully fell back asleep- the routine was annoying and unpleasant, but livable. He was sleeping at least, probably much to the thing on his ceiling’s dismay. One time Armin even found it in himself to smile triumphantly as he rolled over into Eren’s chest to simply fall back asleep in a reasonable amount of time.

 

He only occasionally woke up with blood on his pillow, too. Those nights were the rough ones where the whisperings didn’t want to be ignored, a lot like when he first started trying to ignore them when he was young, but if he could do it then then of course he could do it again now. He’d just need to work on his technique again.

 

Admittedly, the comfort of having Eren in his bed was doing wonders for his nerves. The fact that his parents did not press the issue after that first night was definitely part of how he was able to manage everything that was happening. He missed his Grandpa, his sleep was fitful and he woke sick and little scared of what he saw some nights before he could fall back asleep, but he thought that maybe he could work towards being okay again like he had been before.

 

Even if, unlike before, he had to look the people who had left him in the face at dinner from night to night.

 

At least they had began to take a liking to Eren, Armin reminded himself. Eren certainly didn’t like them (the boy could hold grudges stronger than steel) but he was courteous and respected that having some rapport to fill the air when they had to see each other seemed important to Armin. It made it less awkward, anyway. And as much as Eren wanted it to feel awkward for the people who made the love of his love feel like less, he couldn’t bare to watch Armin squirm in his seat when there were long pauses in conversation.

 

And so they talked about football, and occasionally they talked about how Eren was going to college to follow in his father’s footsteps (even though he told Armin that he sometimes wished he could do something else), and Armin was sure that Eren was closer to the son that his father and mother always wanted. He wasn’t sure how he was going to break it to them that he planned to pursue a degree in English, but he decided to just not breech the subject yet.

 

So things were fine. Not happy like they once were. Not as okay as they could be. But things were fine.

 

Armin had no way of knowing that soon they wouldn’t be again.

 

* * *

 

Eren is sitting alone on the couch.

  

It’s a rare occurrence that Mrs. Arlert ever sees Eren without Armin. Today she’s only so lucky because Mr. Arlert was doing some work on the railings on the stairs, meaning that there was no way for Eren to inconspicuously follow Armin into the shower.

 

She knows this means she must do it now.

 

“Eren.”

 

“Yes?” Eren finally replies after a drawn out silence. He’s a lot less personable when Armin isn’t around, she notices, and she knows this means it will be all the more difficult to try and get him to hear her out.

 

“…How well do you think you know Armin?” Mrs. Arlert asks tentatively, and Eren’s face turns from one of casual disdain to one of absolute loathing.

 

“The best out of anyone. I met him when he came here. I stayed with him when he was sick. I fell in love with him. I took care of him when his grandfather died. I know him.” He says, and his words are bitter.

 

This would be harder than she initially thought.

 

“Do you know why he moved here?” She tries again, gingerly. Eren doesn’t show much sympathy for the attempt.

 

“Because you left him here. Although I guess I should be thanking you, because at least that meant I got to be with him, but you should know that killed him inside when we were growing up. Do you know how much it fucks a kid up when his parents just dump him on a doorstep? It makes him think he did something wrong. It makes him think he’s worth less than everyone else. And he’s not, but he will never see that because _you left him here_.”

 

“I know you must think we’re awful for leaving him- it was cruel. But there are things about him that you might not understand, things that we knew about him that—”

 

“Don’t try to tell me you know him, and _especially_ don’t try to tell me you know him more than me.” Eren growled, staring defiantly back at her. “You haven’t known him for years. You haven’t _loved_ him for years. I have.”

 

“But you don’t know who he is-” she tried again, and Eren stopped her short.

 

“No, that’s you. And I’m done.” He clipped, turning to leave, but a gentle hand on his shoulder stopped him.

 

“Eren, please, listen.” Mrs. Arlert coaxed, and the words reminded Eren of his own lost mother enough that he couldn’t bring himself to run out right then.

 

“What?” He finally snapped, albeit quietly.

 

“There was a reason we bought him here.” She started.

 

“You mean left him here?” Eren snarled again, and she bit her lip.

 

“I’m sure it looks awful. Really, it was awful. But we couldn’t handle some things that were happening, we couldn’t support him. His grandfather was just… more able.”

 

“Support him? Do you mean financially? Or were you both still young?” Eren asked, raising a brow, and while that didn’t mean what had been done was okay it did mean that maybe he could gain a little insight into a question that had been haunting him for years.

 

“Well… it’s a little more complicated then that.” Mrs. Arlert tried again, and Eren scoffed.

 

“Look, I only agreed to listen because I thought you were going to tell me something.”

 

“It’s just a little hard to believe, you see… Armin’s father and I, we almost thought we’d imagined it the longer we were away. Or at least, that’s what we wanted to think. But when we got that call and came back here it all started up again…”

 

“…What started up again?” Eren asked, slightly more engaged in the conversation now.

 

“… Don’t you ever find him odd? Maybe he says or does things that seem strange—”

 

“Mrs. Arlert, if you’re implying him being queer or femme is unnatural then I’ll have you know—” Eren started, but was cut off before he could get any further.

 

“No, no, god no, that’s… honestly not even a concern compared to what I was thinking, I thought you would have gathered we’ve… made the peace that we can with that by now. I mean, don’t strange things ever happen when you’re with him?”

 

“Like what?”

 

“…Well, don’t you find it odd that the pots and pans just clang and clang when you’re around him?”

 

“The house is drafty.” Eren offered, although admittedly the cabinet shouldn’t have been.

 

“Have you ever put something down near him and had it show up in a different room that you hadn’t even been in?”

 

Eren thought back to a time when he’d set his phone down in the kitchen and found it later in the study. And when he’d set the remote down and found it in the bathroom later. Or when he was young when his backpack left by the door ended up in the basement.

 

“I… just always assumed Grandpa Arlert was a little forgetful. He did forget things sometimes. He probably just tried to move them to be helpful and forgot.” Eren tried to rationalize.

 

“He never lived with us, dear.” Mrs. Arlert replied, implying the same had gone on for much longer. “Has Armin ever… spoke in a language that you can’t understand?”

 

“One time he took French in eighth grade.”

 

“It wouldn’t have sounded like French. It wouldn’t have sounded like anything recognizable.”

 

Eren thought back to a night he’d thought Armin was seizing, remembering screaming for his grandfather to call an ambulance as Armin convulsed and his lips moved, almost like he was trying to say something but not anything that he could decipher—

 

“He had seizures for a while when he was younger. The doctors never figured out what caused it, but they said it was likely seizures. You probably just saw that.” Eren rationalized, although admittedly he was becoming less and less convinced the more he pieced the strange events together.

 

“Does Armin ever ask you if you see people that aren’t there?” Mrs. Arlert asked, hoping the risk would yield something and maybe not make her sound too much off her rocker.

 

This, admittedly, was difficult for Eren to deny. He thought back to when they were younger, when Armin would ask all the time and Eren just assumed they were playing a game. It did dwindle, eventually, as it normally would when children grew out of it, but he did wonder about the time when Armin would ask him at the supermarket in empty aisles, while in their backyards, even in the hallways sometimes when it was dark. He thought about how mortified Armin looked when he would have to tell him that no, he didn’t see anything there.

 

“…He hasn’t for a while. He’s just a little skittish is all; he gets a little jumpy when it gets dark. I’m sure other people could make the same mistake.”

 

“…Do you believe all of that?” Mrs. Arlert finally asked Eren, and they stood in silence for a while.

 

“What would it matter, you know if I didn’t?” Eren finally asked.

 

“Wouldn’t you be frightened?”

 

“What would I have to be afraid of?” Eren asked, and when Mrs. Arlert didn’t respond he tried again.

 

“What were you afraid of?”

 

“You see someone delicate that you want to protect. That’s what you’ve pieced together with what you’ve seen. But you don’t know what he’s capable of, what he can do—”

 

“What could he possibly have done when he was _six_?” Eren exclaimed indignantly.

 

“He can… see things, I think. He talked to them. They were just all around him, all the time, and he can make them do things, all kind of things, from moving cell phones to things that are far more awful—”

 

“Are you trying to tell me that my boyfriend can talk to dead people? Anyone can do that with a Ouija board and enough—”

 

“Eren, they’re not people. They never were people. They’re not even ghosts. Whatever they are they are a lot worse, I have seen them do worse Eren- it’s not safe. If you value your life you’d do well to leave. I know you think you love him, because you mean so well, but you don’t know him. You don’t know what he’s capable of.”

 

“And now you want me to believe my boyfriend starred in an exorcist movie or something when he was six?” Eren almost laughed. “You want me to believe my sick, small partner who has never hurt anything in his life is somehow dangerous, and you’re just trying to get me to leave so that I’ll be safe, far away from this ambiguous evil power he has and where you can see us being together? I think you’re not as at peace with us together as you want me to think. Why don’t you just come out and say it?”

 

“Eren, I am telling you this because I like you and I do not want to see any more death.”

 

“…Is that supposed to be a threat?” Eren growled. “Your head’s on wrong if you think that I’m going to believe— believe what, anyway? That Armin has enough strength or want to kill me?”

 

“Look up “Greyville Pastor Nick Death”. You’ll know when you see it. Maybe then you’ll understand.” The woman tried desperately, and Eren rolled his eyes and picked up his backpack.

 

“Look, I’ve heard you out. You think one- very unlikely- thing, and I think another. I’m not willing to believe that my boyfriend is the protagonist of some gritty exorcist reboot, and you obviously think I’m more willing to abandon Armin than I am. But I’m not like you. So you’ll see me around him plenty more.”

 

At that Eren turned to walk out the door, Mrs. Arlert calling behind him.

 

“Just look what you’re up against at least,” She implored him, “before you make that decision!”

 

* * *

 

About half an hour after Eren left, Mrs. Arlert could hear the sound of converse sneakers thunking down the steps as she cooked.

 

“Armin, sweetie, are you going somewhere?” Mrs. Arlert called from the kitchen, and Armin nodded as he pulled his coat and messenger bag on and made his way down the steps.

 

“Eren’s home because his dad needed him to sign for a package, so invited me over for dinner and the night.” Armin declared.

 

Goodness- that Yaeger boy just didn’t listen at all.

 

It would be easiest to step back now, Mrs. Arlert thought. She had tried to talk some sense into Eren tried to make him see what he was walking into to, that this couldn’t possibly be good for him, but he was choosing to ignore her. At least now it was a somewhat informed choice, hopefully, if he bothered to do his research.

 

But Eren was such a nice boy, and she felt guilty just leaving him to doom like this. She had to at least try to give him one last chance, she thought, as she stared at the child on the stairs that she’d birthed. Maybe imploring Armin to let the poor child go would be more effective.

 

“…Armin.” Eren’s mother finally started, and Armin turned to glance at her. She wondered how someone with such clear, angelic blue eyes could be so far from angelic.

 

“Yes?” Armin finally pressed, and the women sighed and bit her lip a moment.

 

“… Did you consider just letting Eren have the night to himself?” She asked, and Armin raised a brow.

 

“He invited me. I didn’t invite myself over; don’t worry. I have manners.” He shrugged, although those were things he and Eren didn’t really have to worry about between the two of them anymore. Still though, maybe it would placate his mother.

 

“I know you do, sweetheart. But… did you consider saying no?”

 

“No. I wanted to go over, and Eren wanted me over. We always stay together.” Armin insisted, starting to not like where this was going.

 

“… Do you ever worry about that?” Mrs. Arlert finally asked, and Armin could tell some sort of invisible line they’d been preserving was about to be crossed.

 

“No. No I don’t. Why should I?” He challenged, an edge of defiance in his voice, and the woman stepped back a little. She wanted to say it. She wanted to say _because you are not like him and he doesn’t know, because you will hurt him,_ but she couldn’t find the words.

 

“… Sometimes distancing yourself is the kindest thing you can do.” She offered, and Armin could feel his body tensing.

 

“I am not in the mood to listen to you try and justify what you did to me.” He choked out, swallowing to keep himself from getting close to tears. “And I am never going to be in the mood to hear you try and use Eren and I to rationalize it.”

 

“I…” Mrs. Arlert sighed. “I made my choices, for better or worse. I’ve taken responsibility for them. But Armin… you have choices to make too... when you love someone—”

 

“You don’t _abandon_ them.” Armin cut her off, fixing the messenger bag’s strap on his shoulder. “You never abandon them. Not for twelve years, not for a busy week, not for one night home alone, not for _anything_. I love Eren. And he loves me. And that’s how I know.”

 

His voice softened at the last part as he turned away to make his way fully down the steps into the foyer, and it was almost soft enough that Mrs. Arlert considered not saying what she was about to say next.

 

Only almost.

 

“… He doesn’t understand what kind of danger he’s in with you, Armin.” She finally whispered, and Armin’s breath stopped.

 

“…What.” He finally whispered, because _were they really talking about what he thought they were talking about right now, and after all of these years,_ and the woman took in a shaken breath in again.

 

“I tried to tell him. I tried to tell him that he doesn’t know you, because he’s such a sweet boy, and he doesn’t deserve what could become of him.” She whispered, and Armin shook his head frantically.

 

“No, no he knows me, he knows me, you weren’t there to see it but I’ve been really good the past twelve years and he knows _that_ me and that’s enough, he knows I’d never hurt him—”

 

“He doesn’t know you _can_ hurt him, Armin.” Mrs. Arlert’s voice rose shakily. “He has no idea what we saw in that church that day—”

 

“Well it’s not like I do either.” Armin laughed. “So we’re even. We’re even and whatever it was I can’t do it to him, and I wouldn’t want to.”

 

“I’m sure you didn’t mean to then either, sweetheart. But you did. And I’m sure you could do it again.”

 

“I would never do that to him—”

 

“I know you don’t want to, and I don’t want to see any more death. And if you loved him, you would let him go before he could be next.”

 

“No, no, no, you’re wrong, that’s not how you show you love someone that’s how you show someone you don’t care about them and it hurts and I can’t do that to Eren you can’t make me do that to Eren!”

 

Armin was talking a mile a minute, unsure of how his voice was even coming out so fast and not even caring, although it was concerning that he couldn’t seem to get any air into his lungs, so concerning that he couldn’t hear the energy surging through the cords to the lamps at an alarming rate—

 

“I am asking you to show him you love his life—!”

 

“No, no, no you’re asking me to abandon him like you abandoned me because you’re ashamed of how I turned out and you don’t want to believe that anyone could possibly love something like me and you know they probably can’t so now you’re trying to _make him leave me_ by telling him how fucked up I am but it won’t work, he loves me and he’ll never believe you—”

 

Tears streamed down Armin’s face and the lights flickered around them, and an audience of strange, frightening beings began to gather. He wished that he could believe his own claims but the tighter he clung to them the more he feared that they weren’t even true. He tried desperately to gulp air down into his lungs, and his frame was shaking so hard that he didn’t even notice the chandelier starting to swing above him.

 

The house didn’t have drafts. And this time his audience wasn’t even participating in moving it.

 

“I told him to look up the body. There’s pictures, Armin. It’s an open case. They know he was going to perform an exorcism and they know it was for a child, the police don’t know understand they’re connected but he can put it together—”

 

“He won’t believe you! No one in their right mind would believe that!” Armin screamed, a vase shattering against a wall and the light bulbs in the kitchen next to them blowing out, and Mrs. Arlert screamed back.

 

“I know he won’t! That’s why you need to do this for him! You look at them! Would you ever want something so awful to happen to him?”

 

“I would never do that to him!” Armin sobbed, “And we would never _abandon_ each other because some people actually love each other enough to stay in each other’s lives! Just because you could leave me or Grandpa or anyone like that and not care about it doesn’t mean everyone is like that and it doesn’t mean I’m like that!” Armin screamed again between sobs. “I need him, I need him to feel okay he took care of me when you and dad left and he always has taken care of me and I need him-”

 

The chandelier swung violently like chimes in the wind, like it didn’t weigh more than a grown man. Lightbulbs in the living area blew out, and the TV shrieked with static as books from the bookshelf began to fly out onto the floor.

 

“LOOK WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW!” His mother implored him, and with that the chandelier snapped and shattered on the floor, covering them both with shards of glass and blood.

 

Awful, awful laughter echoed throughout the house after the crash.

 

Mother and child stared at each other.

 

“Did you mean to hurt me?” Mrs. Arlert asked quietly.

 

Silence.

 

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” The woman offered, and Armin’s lip trembled.

 

“…No.”

 

“Then how on Earth can you promise you wouldn’t hurt him?”

 

Armin didn’t have an answer for that, and it terrified him.

 

* * *

 

 

It was taking Armin a strangely long time to make his way over. Eren wondered if perhaps Armin had decided to take a shower or water the garden or something else mundane that was holding him up, but when he was greeted with Armin’s wet hair and tearstained face Eren knew something was off.

 

He pulled him inside the house, out of the brisk autumn-like air and into an embrace instinctively, letting Armin cling to his shirt and tremble against his chest while he held him and kissed the crown of his hair. It took a few minutes of gentle holding and coaxing until Armin had calmed enough to let Eren lead him up the stairs and to his room, and as he did he debated on whether or not now was the time to tell Armin the conversation he’d had earlier.

 

It could wait, he decided when Armin hiccupped a small sob as they made their way towards the bed. Armin needed to be soothed right now.

 

He pulled him into bed and gathered him in his arms again, cuddling with him against the pillows and sheets, and Armin wrapped his arms and legs around him and clung as he whimpered and sniffled into Eren’s shirt still. It about broke Eren’s heart to see Armin so upset and he held him tighter and rubbed his back while he hushed him gently, trying to soothe him with kisses to his hair. They laid like that for what felt like a long time, but Eren didn’t mind one bit. Armin’s warmth against him was calming, and being able to kiss and hold him made the ache from his sobs lessen at least a little.

 

When Armin looked up at him finally and caught his lips, he felt like maybe he’d at least helped a little.

 

“I love you.” Armin whispered, his voice raw, and Eren kissed him again before he responded.

 

“I love you too, Armin. So much.” He murmured against his lips, rubbing his back a little as he did.

 

Armin tightened his grip around Eren again, nuzzling against him as he did, and Eren kissed his forehead.

 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Eren asked gently, rubbing his back again, and Armin sighed against him.

 

“… Mom tried to tell me that I see you too much. That it’s bad for you to be with me this much or something a-and I just- god Eren I don’t know what I would do without you.”

 

“That fucking bitch.” Eren growled in response when the words sunk in, kissing his boyfriend possessively before continuing. “She’s been trying to fuck us up for a damn while, hasn’t she? First me, then you-”

 

“Did you look at it? The pictures?” Armin asked, desperation and fear in his voice.

 

“No. I bet she fucking made it up, anyway, I’m sure nothing would come up.”

 

But she hadn’t, and something would, and Armin wished he could have unseen it and unread all of the awful things that came of that day, and that must have been the reason his brain blocked out all of the events that led up to that outcome. If only he’d let it spare him and his memories like it had apparently tried to.

 

“I love you so much.” Armin whispered hoarsely, staring up at the ceiling and all of the horrible things on it, and Eren kissed up his jaw to his ear.

 

“I love you too, sweetheart. More than anything.”

 

“I never want you to get hurt.” Armin whispered again, and Eren held him tighter.

 

“As long as I have you I will be okay. I promise.” Eren whispered, and in that moment somehow promises meant nothing to Armin anymore.

 

“I love you so much.” Armin whispered again, swallowing a lump in his throat and forcing himself not to follow it with _I need you_. It was harder to swallow down than the tongues he used to speak in when he was young, but letting it out would make it even harder to do what he was about to do.

 

“I love you too, Armin. More than anything. I need you.” Eren murmured into the crook of his neck, and Armin’s lips trembled.

 

“I… need you… too…” He managed to choke out, because it was true, and he wondered if he would have to die to do right.

 

He might have to.

 

“I promise I’ll always stay with you and take care of you.” Eren whispered smoothly, stroking Armin’s hair, and he had no way of knowing that his words and touches that usually bought Armin so much comfort couldn’t reach him tonight.

 

“You’ve always been so good to me,” Armin murmured hoarsely, “I wish I could be as good to you.”

 

“Just let me take care of you. That’s more than enough.” Eren mumbled between kisses on his cheek, and Armin combed his fingers through Eren’s hair.

 

“Will you hold me?” Armin asked, and Eren nodded and firmed up his grip on the blonde.

 

“Always.” Eren assured, and the frightening beings outside the window blurred this time because of the tears in Armin’s eyes.

 

“I’m so tired.” Armin whispered, “Will you sleep with me?”

 

“Of course.” Eren replied, nuzzling against him and breathing in his scent, and Armin kissed his temple.

 

“…Can I have a kiss?” _To remember you by,_ Armin thought.

 

“You can have all of them.” Eren smiled sweetly, pressing their lips together softly and wetly over, and over, and over, for what felt like hours (but was probably, unfortunately, far less time) until the kisses slowed and his breathing slowed to the way that breathing sounds in sleep.

 

Armin sat holding him, lips quivering, hands shaking as he stroked Eren’s hair, tears falling as he kissed Eren one more time and tucked him in before setting down the stairs and out the door to where his earlier spectators waited for him.

 

* * *

 

Something was even more off, and Eren could feel it- or rather, not feel anything next to him- before he even opened his eyes.

 

Armin was gone.

 

He hadn’t been too perturbed at first. Upset and a little annoyed at losing cuddle time, yes, but Armin had wandered off before and always came back not having meant any harm. Perhaps he decided to take a long shower, or maybe he’d gotten hungry.

 

Things felt worse when Eren checked the entire house and noticed that Armin wasn’t there.

 

Had Armin left for school without him? It was far too early for him to be there already. Had he went home?

 

Eren tried Armin’s phone and didn’t get an answer. He realized why when he heard a faint notification for a voicemail from his own dresser.

 

Armin barely went to another room without taking his phone with him. Why on Earth would Armin leave his phone _and_ leave the house?

 

In his panic, Eren almost completely missed the folded piece of paper tucked under Armin’s phone.

 

Only almost, though.

 

Recognizing it as something from one of Armin’s stationary sets Eren unfolded it hurriedly, hands shaking as he read.

 

_Eren,_

_You are the love of my life. You always have been, and you always will be._

_That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to tell you that I have to go away. I can hear you now, replying that “this isn’t you, Armin, this is your parents” and any other day you would have been right. But this is me this time, and this is harder than I thought._

_I love you, Eren. I never wanted this day to come. I tried to be a good person for you. I loved you so much I thought that, if I just tried hard enough, I could just be good for you and we could be together._

_But I love you. And I love you more than my own life, and if that’s what I have to sacrifice to keep yours safe then I will._

_I know you don’t understand. There’s a lot of things I didn’t let you understand. But I promise it’s just because you would have never let me keep you safe if you did._

_And so this means I love you. More than anything, and more than my own life, and I always have and always will. Even if you stop loving me after you see the pictures and read the articles. Even if you stop loving me after you see the house and know that I did that. Even if you stop loving me after this._

_I love you, Eren. I always, always will._

_I love you,_

_Armin._

Eren could see where tear drops splattered on the page while Armin was writing, and as raw and hurt as he was he couldn’t bring himself to be angry when he ran his fingers over where the paper had warped.

 

God fucking dammit. She’d gotten to him, Eren knew Armin’s mom had just gotten in the poor boy’s head. Furiously he looked up that pastor she’d been talking about, wondering what Armin could have possibly seen that would make him thing writing something and doing something so drastic would be a good idea. Maybe if he could find a hole in the story it would be easier to convince Armin how bat-shit insane this whole ordeal was and how much nicer coming home to him would be.

 

\--

 

The woods are not a good place to meet the strange people that he used to meet in his closet. Somehow it was easier to hear them where no one could hear you scream. Maybe, if in hell the screams of the damned could be heard, these woods were even deeper. Maybe a hell you give in to and condemn yourself to is ever worse than one you are dragged to.

 

Armin didn’t even remember the woods being quite this dark or this deep, and he wondered if those following him were the cause of it. The strange people- _but were they even people?-_ had been waiting for him outside of Eren’s house and had been heckling him since he’s started walking, but it seemed that once he’d gone into the woods they’d just gotten louder and more insistent. It was fine when they were just telling him things that he already knew, like he was an abomination to god and that his parents left him. It got less fine when they realized they’d need to change the subject to get a real reaction.

 

**W H E R E ‘ S   Y O U R   B O Y F R I E N D**

The question startled and infuriated Armin enough that he whipped around and finally stared the thing that had asked it down.

 

“God fucking dammit leave him out of this! You were there when I left you know where he is! Can’t we just talk about my parents again or something?” Armin implored, and when there was raucous laughter from the trees Armin knew he was out of luck.

 

**I T ‘ S   N I C E   T O   T A L K   T O   Y O U  A G A I N**

 

One of them or maybe many of them proclaimed gleefully, and Armin had lost that battle to try and shut them out be he supposed now that he was on his own it didn’t matter so much anymore. Maybe it would placate them for a while, at least.

 

“Sure. I’m sorry I didn’t want Eren to think I was fucking crazy while I was with him.”

**Y O U  D I D N ‘ T  H A V E   T O   L E A V E   H I M**

 

“I did it to keep him safe.” Armin whimpered, and another thing grinned and chimed in.

 

**H E   W A S N ‘ T  I N   D A N G E R**

“I don’t know that!” Armin snapped. “What if I lost control again? What if you… all did something…” Armin trailed off.

 

**H A V E   W E   E V E R   D O N E   A N Y T H I N G   T O   H U R T  H I M**

“…No. But don’t you dare.”

 

**W E   A R E   N O T   I N T E R E S T E D   I N   T H A T   H E   D I D N ‘ T   T R Y   T O   G E T   R I D   O F   U S**

Armin breathed a short sigh of relief. “Okay. _But what if I hurt him then_? Like with mom?”

**Y O U   D I D N ‘ T   D O   A N Y T H I N G   Y O U   D I D N ‘ T   W A N T   T O   E X C E P T   F O R   T H I S**

“I almost made a chandelier fall on my mom!”

 

**Y O U   W E R E   M A D   A T   H E R**

“… How did I do that anyway?” Armin finally asked after a little bit of thought, because if he was going to interact with these strange, frightening beings the least that he could do was get some answers about things.

 

**Y O U ‘ R E   L I K E   U S S S S S S**

If Armin didn’t know any better the drawn out word would almost sound like the wind whistling through dead leaves on the trees in autumn, but as soon as the thought came to him he almost wondered if perhaps it wasn’t the other way around.

“What does that mean?” Armin asked timidly when he gathered enough nerve again. It seemed that the sky had almost gotten darker.

 

**Y O U   H A V E   P I E C E S   O F   U S- Y O U   C O U L D   S A Y   Y O U   A R E   O N E   O F   U S**

 

“…How?” Was the only thing that Armin could think to ask.

 

**Y O U   W E R E   B U R D E N E D   B Y   Y O U R   P A R E N T ‘ S   S I N S S S S S. . .**

  

“I… how does that work? Is that… all real?”

 

**W E   A R E   R E A L…**

“Yes, I can see that, but… sinning, like in religion. Is that what happened to me?”

 

**T H E   S I N S   I N   Y O U R   R E L I G I O N   A R E   A R B I T R A R Y**

“…My parents’ religion.” Armin got brave enough to correct, although the way they grinned at him after made him almost wish that he hadn’t. “S-so that means that they did something else?”

 

**M U C H   W O R S E… Y O U   A R E   T H E   P R O D U C T   O F   I T**

“… Was it making me?” Armin asked gingerly.

 

**T H A T   W A S   J U S T   A N O T H E R   C O N S E Q U E N C E   O F   T H E I R   A C T I O N S… T H E   O F F E N S E   W A S   M U C H   W O R S E… Y O U   K N O W…   T H O S E   W H O   C L I N G   M O S T   F R E V E R E N T L Y   T O   F A I T H   H A V E   O F T E N   D O N E   T H E   W O R S T…**

 

“What was it, then?” The blonde asked again, and jumped with a yelp when one of them set a stick-like hand on his shoulder.

 

**Y O U   W O U L D N ‘ T   U N D E R S T A N D   Y E T… O N E   D A Y   W E   S H A L L   E X P L A I N   W H E N   Y O U   A R E   M O R E   A B L E**

“OKAY.” Armin responded, still sufficiently startled by the contact. “S-so anyway, what is it that I have then? What parts?”

 

**M A N Y… Y O U   C A N   H E A R… Y O U   H A V E   S I G H T… Y O U   C A N   W I L L   T H I N G S   I N T O   M O T I O N… Y O U   C A N   B R I N G  T H I N G S   T O   D E A T H**

“Is that what happened with the Pastor?” Armin squeaked.

 

**_Y E E E E E E E S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S S_ **

****

“… I don’t think I want this.” Armin whispered shrilly, feeling sick to his stomach. Although he had been almost positive that he had bought on that poor man’s end all those years ago when he read the article, having it confirmed that he was a killer…

 

Was enough to make him wretch.

 

As he did, the beings came closer.

 

**I T   I S   N O T   A N   I T E M   F O R   D I S C A R D   I T   I S   W H O   Y O U   A R E**

Big bubbly tears began to roll down Armin’s cheeks, and deep sobs erupted from his still burning throat. Getting up from where he fell Armin started deeper into the woods, trying to find his way to one familiar place that could be a rest-stop for him to collect himself before he continued running.

 

If he had any hope that he could have became a good enough person to return to Eren some day, then that hope was now gone.

 

* * *

 

 

Armed with a flashlight (in case it got dark), his smart-phone (in case he needed to point out how inconclusive those articles were to Armin), a sick note from his father (in case his search proved fruitful today and he went back to school tomorrow), and some granola bars (in case he found Armin and Armin was low on sugar like he got sometimes), Eren set out on his search for the blonde.

 

In the hours Eren had spent fact checking and (trying to, anyway) poke holes in Armin’s mother’s conclusion, Eren had got word from Armin’s parents that Armin hadn’t showed up to school that day but it was too early to file a police report and _Eren do you have any idea where Armin may have gone we’re worried about what he might do on his own-_

 

 _So you only care about him when_ he _leaves_ you _,_ Eren had snipped back, and when he was met with silence he simply assured the elder Arlerts that he was looking, and he would be looking everywhere, and after this they best keep their distance from the blonde and not mention anymore ridiculous theories about his childhood lest they want another situation like this one.

 

He hung up when even Armin’s father tried to tell Eren it wasn’t a theory and something about a chandelier (that was about when Eren hit the “end call” button). Eren didn’t have enough patience for any of their bullshit today, especially since Armin wasn’t there to be pleased if he did.

 

Maybe when he bought Armin home (to him) again, he wouldn’t want Eren to make nice with his parents anymore anyway.

 

First in his search was the town. Eren noncommittally checked a few stores and parks that Armin liked, although something in his gut told him that Armin wouldn’t have headed somewhere where it would be so easy to find him. No, Armin was _trying_ to disappear, and although most people noted Eren for his determination he knew full well that Armin’s drive at least matched his own.

 

He supposed that meant it was lucky that they were together- were together. _Would be together again_ Eren reminded himself, swallowing a lump in his throat and speeding up his pace.

 

Armin wanted to disappear, Eren thought again. He tried to push aside the hurt enough to think about where it was in this town that he could go to disappear…

 

Perhaps it wasn’t in town at all, Eren realized, thinking back to a time when they were young and there were days that he and Armin would go explore the woods on the edge of town. They’d always been chided not to go too deep, because the woods stretched on for miles and miles and miles and _it would be so easy for them to get lost there, especially since the police wouldn’t even know how to search all of that space and that's why his mom got so upset the one day the built a fort near a pond out there—_

Turning around, Eren started away from the town’s main street back to their neighborhood. He stayed on the sidewalk for a long time, only cutting through back yards once he could see the beginning of the deep, dense woods beckoning to him. He wondered if the way he was drawn towards them was almost like the call of the void, only instead of death he hoped he would find Armin when he started through them.

 

Although admittedly, maybe death would be better than coming back empty handed.

 

* * *

 

 The pond that he and Eren used to build forts in front of looked eerily still today.

 

Armin had made his way to the spot when he was trying to calm down. The fact that he and Eren were once here together bought him some sense of comfort, even though it would have been infinitely more comforting if he and Eren were still there together.

 

He sat on a large flat rock that he remembered using as a table with Eren once when they decided to play house in their fort and stared out across the water, trying to determine what his next move would be. He probably couldn’t stay in the woods forever- how in the world would he eat? Nearby towns might even be able to recognize him if his parents actually cared that he was missing. He would have to travel a long way before he could even think of starting over somewhere else. He might die before he was even in a place to, though.

 

As he thought that maybe a peaceful death out here would be better than life without Eren, he almost thought he imagined what sounded like footsteps behind him. They sounded pretty faint, anyway, what with the strange beings that followed him in hordes now chattering to one another. Maybe it was just one of them rustling around.

 

Armin was actually more startled than he had been earlier when a familiar warm and calloused hand was on his shoulder, spinning him around before he could even fully process the situation.

 

“Armin!” Eren’s voice wavered as he pulled the blonde into his arms before Armin could do anything else.

 

“Armin, don’t you ever fucking do that again!” Eren started to yell, his voice cracking and softening halfway through. “I was so scared I’d never see you again what the fuck were you thinking—”

 

“Eren.” Armin squeaked, biting his lip and choking back tears as he returned the hug. “Eren… Didn’t you read my note?”

 

“Yes. Armin, that was fucking bullshit.” Eren choked out. “I know she got in your head, but you could have just fucking talked to me—”

 

“That wasn’t going to fix it, Eren.” Armin mumbled softly, squeezing Eren before putting his hands on Eren’s chest and pushing him back to catch his eyes. “Did you even look at the articles? The pictures?”

 

“Armin, I saw them and read them all morning. Sure they’re gruesome but they don’t mean anything; they’re inconclusive. How would anyone ever be able to know it was you? How do they even know a child ever showed up? They said the journal the priest kept didn’t name anyone, not parents or child. Your parents are just full of shit. They left you and they found a scapegoat so that they could rationalize it. That’s all.” Eren declared emphatically, and Armin cupped the brunette’s cheek in his hand and rubbed his jaw with his thumb.

 

“You just have so much faith in me and you shouldn’t have any.” Armin almost crooned, the beings surrounding them snickering as he said it.

 

“Well I do. I’ll have enough for both of us even if you won’t, and I’ll prove it. Now come on. Let’s go home. You don’t even have to see your parents again if you don’t want to, it’s not good for you anyway, you can just stay at my house dad won’t mind it’s not like he’s ever home much anyway—”

 

“Eren…” Armin sighed, biting his lip. “It’s not safe.”

 

“I won’t let anyone hurt you. I promise!” Eren assured him, taking the blonde’s hand and squeezing it, and Armin shook his head.

 

“That’s not it, Eren. I’m worried about what will happen to you if you’re around me anymore.”

 

“Nothing. Nothing will happen to me. We’re eighteen, anyway, so it’s not like your parents can do anything really—”

 

“It’s not them I’m worried about.”

 

“Then what?” Eren snapped, and Armin leaned up to kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear.

 

“It’s me.”

 

“I _need_ you.” Eren whined, holding Armin’s hand with both of his now. “Please. The only thing that you could possibly do to hurt me is disappear like this. Please, just come home with me. I’ll take care of you. You said you love me- let me love you too, okay?”

 

The pleading was like a knife in Armin’s heart, and the beings watching the scene shrieked with laughter as tears bubbled up in his eyes and Armin tried to blink them back.

 

“I do love you.” Armin squeaked, trying to swallow a sob. “That’s why you need to leave me here. That’s why you need to leave me.”

 

“You told me to stay with you!” Eren almost screamed, his voice cracking as he tried to choke back sobs of his own. “And I promised, I fucking promised that I would never leave you and Armin I am not breaking this promise do not ask me to break this promise you don’t even want me to break this promise do you-”

 

“Eren you have to!” Armin sobbed, eyes screwed shut as tears rolled down his cheeks. “You need to go. You need to go and forget about me and stop loving me because I’m not someone to love-”

 

“That is the most selfish, impossible thing you have ever asked me to do I can’t fucking stop being in love with you Armin do you know how crazy you sound right now?” Eren’s voice broke at the end as he smiled bitterly through tears.

 

“I am asking you to leave before I sound crazier. Eren, please-” He tried, although he couldn’t bring himself to press any further right then. Eren took Armin’s face in his hands, wiping sticky tears from the blonde’s cheeks as he began to speak again.

 

“Okay, so what’s the worst that would happen if you sounded crazy? I would still love you. That’s not enough a reason to leave. O-okay, so what if I humor you, and the thing at the church is real or whatever—”

 

“It is.” Armin whined, and Eren kissed his nose.

 

“Okay, so it is. I still love you. Can we go home now?”

 

Eren’s eyes were so full of devotion, and it made Armin almost want to give in.

 

He didn’t understand, though, like his mother said. It wouldn’t be fair if he didn’t understand.

 

“You don’t understand.” Armin murmured.

 

“Then help me understand.” Eren whined, exasperated, and Armin bit his lip and glanced back at their audience, currently invisible to Eren.

 

“I don’t know if I can.” Armin replied, and Eren found it odd that it was seemingly to the trees. “Unless you all have any ideas.”

 

Armin was talking to people that weren’t there. At least that’s what it looked like. At least that was what Armin’s mother thought it looked like. At least that’s what she wanted Eren to believe.

 

Maybe Armin believed her on that, too.

 

“Okay, I get it. You see people that I can’t. That’s okay. We can get through that together.” Eren tried, kissing Armin’s jaw, and Armin ran a hand through Eren’s hair as a few came closer.

 

“But you don’t understand. They’re not real to you yet. You can’t see them.”

 

“I’ll believe they’re there if you need me to.” Eren assured the blonde.

 

**Y O U   W A N T   H I M   T O   S E E**

They spoke to Armin again and Armin just nodded, and Eren stroked his cheek gently.

 

“I can do that for you.” Eren told him, trying unsuccessfully to coax a smile from Armin’s lips.

 

“How?” Armin asked both.

 

“I trust you.” The brunette soothed gently.

 

**A R E   Y O U   W I L L I N G   T O   G E T   S I C K   F O R   A   B I T ?**

 

“Not like that wasn’t my entire childhood.” Armin commented.

 

“Yes, I’ve always trusted you. That’s right.” Eren replied. The others snickered.

 

**I T   W I L L   T A K E   A   L O T   O U T   O F   Y O U   T O   L E T   H I M   H A V E   A   G L I M P S E   B U T   I T   H A S   B E E N   D O N E   B E F O R E   M A N Y   W A Y S**

“Maybe that’s what we need right now.” Armin started to give in. “Maybe that will help us decide what to do next.”

 

“Yes, you can trust me and we can talk about it.” Eren almost crooned, pulling Armin into a hug.

 

**G E T   B E H I N D   H I M…   C O V E R   H I S   E Y E S   W I T H   Y O U R   H A N D S…   G I V E   H I M   Y O U R   S I G H T   B R I E F L Y.**

“How?” Armin asked again.

 

“Because I love you and we can do this together.”

 

**C L O S E   Y O U R S…   O P E N   Y O U R   F I N G E R S   O V E R   H I S…   I T   H A S   T O   G O   S O M E W H E R E…**

“Do you trust me?” Armin asked Eren finally, catching his eyes.

 

“Still more than anyone.” Eren assured him, and Armin caught his lips in a soft, wet kiss.

 

“Let me hold you.” Armin directed, and Eren nodded. He almost leaned forward until Armin went behind him, and so instead he held his weight and let Armin press his chest into his back. The blonde wrapped his arms around Eren’s shoulders, kissing an ear as he did.

 

“Promise you trust me?”

 

“Promise.”

 

“I’m going to cover your eyes. Then I’m going to show you something.” Armin explained, nuzzling Eren’s neck.

 

“Will this make you trust me?” Eren asked.

 

“…Yes.” Armin decided.

 

“Okay. Show me.” The brunette replied without a second thought.

 

Armin kissed his cheek one more time, nuzzling a little before covering Eren’s eyes with shaky hands and closing his own. He buried his nose in Eren’s hair, breathing in his scent and doing his best to focus on Eren as he slowly parted his small fingers in front of Eren’s eyes.

 

“Look.” He whispered.

 

Eren did.

 

For a moment, all seemed silent.

 

To Armin, anyway.

 

“…Is this… Is this what you were seeing, when you asked me if I saw anyone down the aisle in the store? Or at the bedroom door? Is this what you’ve been living with all your life?” Eren’s voice cracked, and Armin could feel hot tears on his fingers.

 

It was about enough to convince Armin that Eren really was seeing them.

 

“They’re real…” Armin murmured, more to himself than Eren, this being the first time someone had ever actually confirmed that for him, and Eren nodded against his hands.

 

“They are… fucking christ.” Eren murmured, and hysterical laughter echoed around the couple sitting in the middle of the woods, very much not alone. It rang in both of their ears, and if there had been any doubt lingering in Armin’s mind that Eren could still see them there wasn’t any more.

 

“They said I’m like them. That’s why I thought I had to…” Armin’s voice trailed off, and Eren picked up for him.

 

“You don’t have to leave.” Eren murmured. “I wasn’t going to let you alone in the first place, but… I especially can’t let you go through this alone.”

 

“You always made me feel so much better, about everything.” Armin mumbled into his hair, and there was a resounding “aww” through the woods. It sounded patronizing, but Armin couldn’t bring himself to scold them right then. He didn’t want Eren to see how they reacted if they did.

 

“But I’m like them.” Armin said again instead. “Aren’t… aren’t you afraid?”

 

“Not of you. Are you afraid?” Eren asked, and while he could see why this would scare Armin he couldn’t understand why he should be afraid of Armin.

 

“… I am.”

 

“Then let me take care of you.”

 

Armin kissed into Eren’s hair and leaned on him, Eren still looking through his hands.

 

“But what if I do something strange or awful?” Armin asked, and Eren watched the things grin.

 

“That would be okay.” He soothed gently. “I would still love you.”

 

“What if it hurt you? Or made you want to leave after all?” Armin asked nervously, and a few giggled.

 

“There isn’t anything that could hurt me more than losing you.” Eren declared, and Armin clung tighter.

 

“…I don’t think I’ll ever be a good person.” Armin whispered finally, “I don’t even feel human.”

 

“Remember when we were kids?” Eren asked suddenly.

 

“Yeah.” Armin agreed. “What about it?”

 

“We had this long talk about how no one’s a good friend to everyone when that stupid Kirschtein kid was mad because I punched him in the face for making you cry. I was a bad friend for him, but I was a good friend for you. That’s when we decided that we were each other’s best friends, always. Maybe this is just like that. Maybe you’re not a good person the way I’m not a good friend usually. But for you I was good. And for me, you’re good.”

 

Armin thought he felt tears rolling down his cheeks as he smiled, and he closed his fingers over Eren’s eyes and opened his again.

 

“You really think so?” He asked hopefully, turning Eren around to face him. Eren looked startled initially, but he caught himself quickly and smiled, wiping Armin’s cheeks gently.

 

“I do. Can you believe me?”

 

“Yes.” Armin answered, pulling Eren into a tight hug. Eren pressed kisses into the crown of his hair, holding Armin close but not allowing the hand he’d wiped Armin’s face with to touch, and when Armin pulled back he took that hand. He was almost going to set it on his waist until he noticed a deep, coppery red smeared across the thumb that Eren usually used to wipe his tears.

 

In horror, Armin reached up to wipe his own eyes, read smearing all over his fingers, and he looked into the trees where the others were sitting for answers.

 

**Y O U   B E A R   Y O U R   P A R E N T ‘ S   S I N S… T H A T   I S   Y O U R   S I C K N E S S…**

“What are they doing to you?” Eren growled, and Armin pulled him into a hug before he could do anything impulsive.

 

“Nothing really. They warned me it would take a lot to show you, I’m just tired.” Armin only bothered explaining the half of it, because the last thing he needed was Eren being more angry at his parents after yesterday’s events.

 

Maybe someday he would tell him. But not today.

 

Eren held him tighter, staring defiantly at things that he couldn’t see anymore and nuzzling into Armin’s hair.

 

“Can I take you home now?” Eren asked, almost pitifully after asking so many times and being turned down, and Armin finally gave up on trying to push him away.

 

“Will you carry me for a bit?” The blonde asked, more fatigued than he expected, and Eren scooped him up and kissed his forehead.

 

“I’ll carry you the whole way if that’s what it takes to bring you home with me.” Eren replied, setting back through the woods with Armin cradled in his arms.

 

Armin just clung to him and let himself cry everything out into Eren’s shoulder, and Eren kissed his head occasionally and pretended not to notice the thick, bloody mess coating the crook of his neck and his collarbones.

 

It was such a small price to pay for bringing the love of his life back to him, after all.

 

* * *

 

He and Eren had always been a strange couple, and to some degree Armin knew that.

 

Eren was a good person. Armin, by nature, could not be considered as much.

 

But he couldn’t let go. He had tried his hardest, but he couldn’t let go. Eren _rotted_ him with his too sweet love and made him too weak to stand without him, and Eren came to him and held him even though Armin gave him a chance to run and find whatever better was.

 

Because Eren loved him. And he loved Eren. And he was too selfish to let Eren go, now, and so if he was good for Eren then that was good enough.

 

Admittedly though, scaring Eren like he had by taking off that dreadful night hadn’t been good. Armin had some making up he planned to do. He found himself sliding down his pants and underwear when Eren set him down on his bed and wrapping his legs around Eren’s waist when he got on top of him. There were snickers from the darker corners of the room, but they were somehow easier to ignore this time around. Armin wondered if talking to them now and again would placate them enough to give him some peace with Eren when they did this.

 

“I’m sorry I did such a stupid thing.” Armin whispered against the shell of Eren’s ear, licking behind it gently and making Eren shiver. “Do you think I can make it up to you?”

 

“I’d be happy if you just don’t leave me ever again.” Eren murmured as he pressed a kiss against Armin’s temple, and Armin rolled his hips against Eren’s.

 

“I won’t do it ever again. That means it’ll take you a while to trust me again, though. I deserve that, but can I at least make up for making you cry today?” Armin asked, continuing to press his hips into Eren’s, and Eren hummed into his hair.

 

“I want to trust you. I’m trying… do you really want this?” Eren asked gently, still worried about how weakened Armin was from the whole ordeal in the woods earlier.

 

“I want to give you this. I want to be good for you, like you said.” Armin told him, gazing up at Eren adoringly. He didn’t even realize it was possible for him to love Eren more than he had, but the fact that Eren had came after him, seen what was wrong with him, and took him back anyway had proved it possible.

 

And now all he wanted to do was make sure Eren didn’t stop loving him because he was obsessed with the way Eren told him he was loved and needed, even knowing what he was.

 

“You are good for me. Will this help you understand, though?” The brunette asked, stroking Armin’s hair as he did.

 

“I’ll feel like I am a bit more if I can do nice things like this for you. A-and I just feel really awful about earlier and it’s going to take time to make it get better but I’ll feel a little better right now if I can do something for you right away. And… I just really, really need to be as close to you as possible.” Armin explained, and that was all Eren needed to lean down and press their lips together, rubbing himself against Armin’s hole to get hard.

 

“I think that would make me feel better too, actually.” Eren smiled against Armin’s lips, and Armin grinned back and pulled him into another kiss and let Eren position his hips at a better angle.

 

“I want you as deep inside of me as possible.” Armin moaned desperately between kisses. “I want you to make me scream for you. I want you to fuck me into the mattress until I can’t walk. I want you to come inside of me so there will be pieces of you inside of me and we’ll be undeniably connected. I want to be yours.”

 

Regardless of whether or not Armin’s intent was to get Eren hard in record time, it was working.

 

“You are mine.” Eren whispered heavily, kissing down Armin’s neck and holding his hips. “You’re my only love, and no matter what you always will be.”

 

“Show me.” Armin whined, arching his back up a little, and Eren rubbed his leaking girth against Armin’s hole. “I want you to be rough with me.”

 

“Do you?” Eren asked, searching Armin’s eyes before complying.

 

“I need this.” Armin’s words oozed like syrup from his lips, and that was all Eren needed to crush their lips together and shove himself inside.

 

“ _Fuck_. _Yes_.” Armin whined desperately, his own cock hardening from the burn of his hole being stretched open so abruptly and so wide, and pressed back against Eren’s hips for more.

 

Eren moaned, feeling Armin quivering around him, trying to accommodate all of him as he slid more in slowly until it was too tight to do so, and his hands shook as he tried to give Armin a minute to adjust before starting to rock his hips against him. Armin was so tight it was hard to do anything more than a few shallow thrusts at first, but the blonde just bit his lip and tried his best to accept Eren’s cock in more readily.

 

“You feel _so_ tight.” Eren gasped, and Armin reached down to stroke the base of Eren’s cock with his hand and guide him in further.

 

“You’re just so thick.” Armin moaned desperately, and Eren whined shrilly and rubbed himself against Armin’s hand and against his soft, velvety insides while he did.

 

“You’re- _fu-u-u-ck_ \- so good to me.” Eren whined desperately, and Armin grinned up at him and tightened around him a little.

 

“G-go deeper and tell me you love me.” Armin begged, beckoning Eren’s cock again by stroking it more and tightening around him a little to entice him. He was lucky Eren’s cock had slickened him up a little so that he could comply.

 

“ _I love you so much._ ” Eren whined desperately, now pushing the entirety of his cock into Armin’s hole with each thrust. “I love you so much, you’re so good, _fuck I need you Armin_ —”

 

“Yes!” Armin whined, tightening his legs around Eren’s waist and biting his lip again while he focused on allowing Eren in. “Yes, yes, yes, love me, need me, keep me, I’ll stay.”

 

Eren reached down to stroke Armin’s own leaking cock as a reward, and Armin screamed shrilly and wrapped his arms around Eren’s shoulders.

 

“You’re mine, of course I’m going to keep you. You can’t get away from me now, I’m inside of you.” Eren whispered into his ear before nipping at his jaw, working on leaving deep red marks along the bone.

 

“ _Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes_ —” Armin moaned desperately, shrieking as he came onto Eren’s hand and got even tighter around him. The friction from Eren rubbing into him intensified when he did, and he screamed through his orgasm as Eren continued to fuck him and hold his hips in place for it.

 

As Armin gasped and tried to catch his breath after his orgasm (and it caught in his throat every time Eren pushed deeper in as he continued to fuck him) Eren couldn’t help but think he looked like an angel with his hair splayed out around him on the pillow like that. He supposed that was ironic given the circumstances, but as he’d said- maybe if Armin was one to him that was all that needed to matter.

 

He bit down on Armin’s collarbone, drawing out another long, whiny moan from the trembling blonde, and when Armin found it in himself to tighten around his boyfriend again Eren couldn’t hold back any more.

 

Eren moaned desperately into Armin’s hair, a jumble of syllables that might have been words but just as easily might not have been as he came into Armin’s soft, tight hole. When he finished he collapsed on top of the blonde, who pulled him into a gentle embrace and let Eren settle his head on his chest on top of his heart.

 

“That’s mine too. I’m going to take good care of it.” Eren mumbled breathlessly, kissing over his chest where his heart would be and then kissing Armin’s nipple wetly for good measure.

 

Armin stroked his hair, smiling softly down at him in the afterglow.

 

“Was that good?” He cooed gently, and Eren grinned wryly up at him.

 

“Yes. God yes. I didn’t think you’d even need to ask.” Eren teased.

 

“I just needed to hear it. That I could be good for you again, I mean. I needed to know I could at least start to be.” Armin explained gingerly, and Eren leaned up to catch his lips.

 

“You’re good for me. You just showed me, see?” Eren soothed, kissing him again. “We’re going to be okay. I know you’re going to be good for me, you already are.”

 

Armin clung to him tightly, tucking his head over Eren’s shoulder and staring out the window at the things that were out there. When he thought about it, really, they weren’t doing much harm. Eren was safe. Armin was going to be good for him.

 

He hoped, one day, his doubts dredged up by his parent’s homecoming would be a distant memory. They could work on it together. Eren said so.

 

“Are you okay?” Eren asked, noticing Armin staring vacantly out the window- or so it seemed to him, Eren caught himself. Maybe he was staring pointedly.

 

“I’m good.” Armin replied, then smiled cheekily.

 

“Yeah?” Eren asked, pleased to see Armin a little more cheerful than he had been for months at that point.

 

“Yeah. You want me even though I’m like this?”

 

“I think I just proved that.” Eren grinned, patting Armin’s butt gently. “But yes. I do.”

 

“…I used to ignore them when I was little. That’s why I got sick a lot. I think, though, that it might be better if I try to learn more about the whole thing. It might help make things better. I was afraid to for a really long time because I equated acknowledging it with abandonment but… you didn’t abandon me, even when you saw it.”

 

“I never will. And I never wanted you to be sick.”

 

“But that was my worst fear, you know. Being sick was better than that. But it never happened. And so there’s no reason for me to be afraid anymore. Not really- everything feels like it’s going to be okay now. And so… I hope you won’t mind if I do weird things, sometimes. To try and figure all of this out.”

 

“Sweetheart. I would prefer you just do that instead of making yourself sick. I’ll even do them with you, if you want.” Eren smiled, kissing Armin’s temple, and Armin grinned.

 

“Even if they’re really weird?” Armin asked, and Eren laughed.

 

“Even if they’re the weirdest.”

 

They kissed again, and Armin giggled and pulled Eren on top of him again so that they could lay together a while longer.

 

Eren sat up abruptly. Armin was almost worried he had somehow contaminated Eren with his sight permanently until Eren exclaimed:

 

“You must be starving after all of that!”

 

Armin laughed with relief.

 

“I… oh. Well, I wasn’t until I thought about it.” Armin grinned sheepishly, his stomach growling.

 

“Here.” Eren started, opening his drawer and pulling out one of his shirts that Armin liked to use for pajamas. “Let’s look for a take out menu downstairs… I guess you should call your parents, lest they call the police.”

 

“Oh. I guess it has been almost 24 hours.”

 

“Not yet, though.” Eren pointed out, and Armin smiled.

 

“Why don’t you go find the take out menu?” Armin suggested. “I’ll just tell them I’m fine and I’m spending the night at your place.”

 

“Are you sure you want to do that alone?” Eren asked, and Armin kissed his cheek.

 

“There’s some things I’ve been meaning to say to them for a while.” The blonde explained. “Don’t worry. I’ll be quick. It won’t be more than two minutes and then we can call for take-out.”

 

“Okay.” Eren agreed reluctantly, kissing him one more time before letting him have the room to himself.

 

Armin clicked the contact information for his mother, listening to the dial tone nervously and steeling himself. It sounded almost stranger, like what it could sound like when one of the strange beings from the woods would clear their throat.

 

“Hello? Oh sweetheart where were you we were so worried—” His mother’s voice came through, though distantly.

 

“Don’t.” Armin replied calmly. “I’m back at Eren’s.”

 

“But where were you?” The woman asked again.

 

“…I needed a quiet place to talk to them.” Armin only half lied.

 

“… What did they tell you?” The woman asked, and Armin hummed nonchalantly and smiled. This would feel good.

 

“That this is your fault.” He drawled. “That you both are the reason that I’m an abomination. That you _did_ something that you used me to pay for.”

 

The line went silent.

 

“Sweetheart we had no way of knowing that they would take you—” Armin’s mother finally broke the silence.

 

“ **Save it**.” Armin hissed. “And anyway. You could have at least not pretended that you didn’t know what it was.”

 

“… We didn’t know what to tell you. And then we were just worried about that poor boy you—”

 

“ **D O N ‘ T   Y O U   F U C K I N G   D A R E.** ” Armin snapped, loud enough that it almost sounded like speaker phone, and he even surprised himself. Without missing a beat, though, he continued. “I told him already. He loves me, he didn’t even _want_ to leave. He’s not going anywhere.” Armin almost cooed, a stark contrast from before.

 

“… I’m sorry.” Armin’s mother offered quietly, and Armin shrugged even though she couldn’t see.

 

“Can I stay at Eren’s?” He asked perkily.

 

“Sure, dear.”

 

“I’m going to need a sick note for school tomorrow.”

 

“You can get it in the morning.”

 

“One day we’re going to talk about this. I’ll give you time to think of what to say.”

 

“… I am so, so sorry.”

 

“Don’t be. I’ll have this on you for as long as I live.” Armin replied. “Goodnight, Mom.”

 

“Your father wants to know you’re okay.”

 

“Sure.”

 

Armin’s father took the phone, and there was a heavy silence between them.

 

“What we did was wrong.”

 

“Yep.”

 

“I’m sorry we tried to take him from you, too. We were just—”

 

“I don’t even care anymore.” Armin lied, “Just don’t do it again.”

 

“Would Eren like to come for dinner tomorrow?”

 

“I’ll ask him. We’re about to eat now, though.”

 

“Okay. Glad you’re safe.”

 

“Sure. Bye. We’ll talk one day.”

 

Armin hung up finally, feeling strangely liberated as he sat and held the phone in the now very full room. It almost looked like his entourage of sorts was clapping (or some semblance of it) as Armin set his phone down and walked back downstairs to find Eren and cling while they ordered their take out.

 

* * *

 

Armin was making good on making things up to Eren.

 

They’d found an apartment near their university that they’d both been accepted to and decided to attend. Eren had enrolled as pre-med, but was beginning to contemplate other options like perhaps being a social worker so that he could help other children like him and Armin before they became jaded. This was much to his Dad’s dismay, since he would no longer have an automatic heir to carry on all of his work unless Mikasa picked it up, but it was quite hard to argue that it wouldn’t be a noble profession. He wondered if he could meet Eren in the middle at pediatrician one day.

 

Armin enrolled as an English major and quickly became known for his short horror vignettes. They were most notable in that they had illustrations that accompanied them, and soon one of the art professors had managed to talk Armin into adding at least a minor in illustration.

 

When Eren arrived back at the apartment after a meeting with his advisor, he was greeted by a floor-full of small cut outs of Armin’s illustrations with tabs on them.

 

“And what have you been up to today?” Eren grinned, and Armin smiled up at him before standing up to give him a kiss.

 

“We were supposed to make a pop-up mechanism for our introduction to illustration class, so I’m making a few.”

 

“A few?” Eren teased, and Armin giggled.

 

“I may have made a whole book’s worth.”

 

Eren knelt down on the ground next to where Armin was sitting to examine them.

 

“I recognize that one.” Eren noticed, and Armin smiled.

 

“Yeah. She used to get me the cookie jar when mom put it on the top of the fridge.”

 

“That’s… actually kind of cute.” Eren mused, and Armin smiled.

 

“They’re really not so bad.” Armin commented. “They just don’t prefer being ignored is all.”

 

“Fair.” Eren shrugged. “As long as they’re not hurting you.”

 

“No.” Armin smiled, and then knelt next to Eren to kiss them again. “Things are good. You know, doing this helps give me some perspective on when I lived with Mom and Dad when I was young. They didn’t really want anything bad for me, these guys I mean.” Armin commented, gesturing at the wide array of cut outs- portraits maybe- on the floor.

 

“Didn’t you say something about being one of them?”

 

“Yeah. That’s what they said.”

 

“Well, you’re the cutest one to me.” Eren grinned, and Armin blushed and giggled as a few of the beings in the corner snickered.

 

“Thanks honey.” Armin beamed, and Eren kissed his forehead. Armin took his arm and led him to the couch to sit together, a few beings skittering to the side and the TV flickering on.

 

“I like this channel.” Eren commented as Armin snuggled into his side, and Armin smiled.

 

“I know you do.”

 

They sat in peaceful quiet for a while, just enjoying the program, until Eren broke the silence.

 

“If you’re one of them, then why were your parents so…”

 

“Weird about it?” Armin finished for him.

 

“Yeah.” Eren nodded, and Armin thought for a minute.

 

“…There’s some things I have to talk to them about. To be honest, though, I just haven’t found the right time to do it. I was still mad at them before we came here, and now I’m curious but hardly ever down their way. Perhaps we should pay them a visit sometime. But I’ll want to talk to you about some things, first.”

 

“I’ll listen. But what if they make us sleep in separate rooms, you know since they moved back to their own house?” Eren pouted.

 

“They won’t.” Armin declared, glancing around the room. “Will they?”

 

There were cries of agreement, and Armin turned back to Eren and smiled.

 

“See? Nothing to worry about.”

 

“Are you nervous about talking about it to them again?” Eren asked, not even entirely sure of the research and conversations that were looming on the horizon, and Armin just shook his head.

 

“Not as long as I have you by my side. Remember when I asked if you’d mind if I had to do some weird things to figure things out?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And you said you’d even do them with me?” Armin asked quietly, and Eren smiled and kissed his forehead.

 

“That’s still on the table.”

 

“I might have to cash in on that soon- it might be weirder than just me chatting with them sometimes.”

 

“Just don’t leave me whenever you find out what you find out, okay?” Eren pleaded, and Armin wrapped his arms around him and crawled into his lap.

 

“I’m not a good enough person to do that.” Armin told him, nuzzling into his chest.

 

“But that makes you good for me.” Eren replied, running his fingers through Armin’s hair, and Armin glanced up at him through his bangs.

 

“Because being good for you means not ever leaving you without me. Which is lucky, because I think I’m even more selfish now than I was then. I’m no martyr and I’m not even giving you the chance to find anything else anymore- I want you all to myself.” Armin reassured the brunette, and Eren just grinned and leaned in to steal a kiss.

 

“Good.”


End file.
